lunes, julio 20, 2009

de noches de insomnio y nuestro proceso de pensamiento primario...


la noche suele ser mágica, pero acompañada del silencio que con frecuencia la empapa y acompañada de la sintonía de tu respiración, de los latidos de tu corazón que encuentran el beat perfecto y lo sincronizan al mío, la noche se vuelve sencillamente un sueño.
a mitad de la noche, donde a través de tu piel me transmites el calor de nuestro amor y cuando con frecuencia estamos alerta a si la una o la otra se ha dormido ya para no desperdiciar un solo segundo de nuestra compañía, ante el mínimo movimiento salta la pregunta: -no puedes dormir? seguida del más maravilloso de los besos... [lo que consecuentemente provoca que si la una o la otra estaba durmiendo, ese beso ha sido suficiente para despertar] y finalmente acabamos otra noche más, sin dormir.

de ferret a bitxin:
T. anoche, antes de dormir y producto de la incomodidad que sentías, me aseguraste: -cariño, creo que pasaremos una noche de ¨loro¨-
Y. -una noche de ¨loro¨?, por qué de ¨loro¨?- acomodaba yo las sábanas para meterme dentro y te miré con intriga en lo que tu te metías dentro de la cama. pensaste y después de una larga pausa me miraste:
T. -no lo se, supongo que es porque los loros no cierran los ojos al dormir. que va, asi lo dice mi madre...- pero reflexionaste y yo agregué:
Y. -cariño, los loros tienen párpados, cierran los ojos para dormir.-
T. -ah si?, pues no lo se fijate. asi lo dice mi madre. interesante.-
Y. -si cariño, será entonces porque estamos tan llenas de la cena [habíamos ido al morton's] con esta barriga que no podemos acomodarla que hemos de dormir paradas. los loros duermen parados con la barriga de fuera sobre el palo que los sostiene...-
T. -sí, seguro será eso- y nos acomodamos para dormir. pasaron unas cuantas horas y efectivamente, la barriga no nos dejaba dormir. ¨no tenemos remedio¨ pensaba yo pues la comida siempre ha sido una debilidad compartida... cuando de pronto, hago un movimiento y me haces LA pregunta: ¨no puedes dormir?¨ a la que yo respondí con una negativa. sin embargo nos quedamos en silencio, abrazadas hasta que interrumpiste la calma:
T. -cariño, ya lo tengo!, si si, tres cosas que me llevaría a una isla desierta:
1. tu
2. agua
3. y el cheff del morton's-
Y. te abrazo con fuerza buscando el calor de tu piel y riendo agrego: -de qué me hablas amor?, qué te ha pegado ahora?-
T. -si, eso, la pregunta más típica española: ¨qué llevarías contigo a una isla desierta¨- española? universal será [pensé, pues entre los mexicanitos también es típica]. pero lograste captar mi atención y despertarme de una para atender a tu filosofía nocturna.
Y. -mira que tu si sabes eh, el cheff del morton's?- reí.
T. -claro, y podemos arreglar que lo sustituya el del ¨cheescacke factory¨ en caso de que nos harte el del morton's y le demos con un palo para devolverlo¨...- reí aún más. en eso, el vecino de arriba que ya no sabemos si es un sado-masoquista, baila la danza del venado, le gusta follarse a la cama o que coños hace, ha dado tal bostezo que se escuchó hasta nuestro piso.
Y. -joder con el vecino, no se ha tragao post garden's porque no le alcanza. que fuerte cariño, si nosotras le escuchamos es que el nos escucha a nosotras, imagínatelo!- me preocupé depronto.
T. -que va!, si te fijas el sonido que se escucha es el del vecino de arriba, no el de abajo. el sonido viene de arriba a abajo, por tanto el vecino de arriba no nos escucha.- y me quedé con una cara que reflejaba mi duda [a fin de cuentas que más daba si quien nos escuchaba era el vecino de arriba, podia ser el de abajo o el de al lado]:
Y. -quee?, cómo?-
T. si, mira. el sonido no gravita, baja para abajo, por tanto escuchamos el sonido del vecino de arriba, no el de abajo.- yo buscaba excusas tales como la moqueta que tenemos nosotras en el piso y la duela que tiene el vecino de arriba; el que nosotras somos más cuidadosas y al vecino de arriba le vale, etcétera, qué se yo. pero ciertamente jamás pensé en la gravedad del sonido.
Y. -cariño, pero qué dices?-
T. -si, el sonido no gravita, es decir, no flota, cae por acción de la gravedad...- y me jalaste hacia ti y caiste dormida.

aun no logro explicarme el razonamiento de tu lógica, la cual sin lugar a dudas tiene bastante sentido común. vamos que, me he preguntado cuánto pesa el mundo, si cada vez que nace más gente el mundo pesa más, cuánto oxígeno consume un cerillo [en caso de que algún dia un asesino serial me entierre viva] pero, ¿si el sonido tiene gravedad? jamás.
en definitiva cada dia me sorprendes más.

contigo aprendo cada día la inquietud de la curiosidad y adquiero más y más esa capacidad de asombro que uno tiende a perder cuando crece. te amo por sobre todas las cosas, y gracias por todas y cada una de las noches que construyes para mi. por tu calor y por tu amor.

M

miércoles, julio 15, 2009

just in case


¨...u might already be a survivor of a serial killer or a serial rapist without even knowing it. maybe u sat near one in a movie theatre or in a restaurant... maybe u've passed one in the street or parked your car next to one. one might have approached u: do u remember any odd requests from a stranger 2 help him carry a package 2 his car or look 4 a lost puppy?, some man whose attentions u turned away in a bar? a nice couple who offered u a ride [they looked fine but somehow there was something not quite right] & u just turned them down?. maybe u r alive because u chatted with a friend a minute longer instead of walking off alone, or because somebody else, whom u don't even recall, arrived in the parking lot as u were getting into your car...
having casual contact with a serial killer [or a serial rapist that in most of the cases become killers in order to not let any witnesses] 4 once, might be not all that astronomical. hundreds of them are at each moment of the day looking 4 a prey & your own deeds & actions however, can dramatically increase those chances: 2b a victim depend on your behavior & simple choices u make. though, being catch is one thing, survival in the hands of a serial killer/rapist is another one & is at best a marginal and highly idiosyncratic process because, what may save your life with one type of personality of the offender [the way you can behave or deal with the situation] may condemn u 2 a brutal sexual attack or what its worse, 2 death with another.
plus, besides the way u behave, there exists some other preferences that the serial killer or rapist will seek in a potential victim. based on the FBI survey of serial killers & their victims, we see that being white immediately [f.eg.] increases your risk: being female [82 percent], unmarried [80 percent] & between ages 15-28 [73 percent] all put u at higher risk.
so, what comes as follows is not a guide to survival a serial killer or rapist but a few tips you might consider as measures & at your own risk.
1. TRUST YOUR INTUITION. never underestimate your instincts or your intuition. "bad feeling/women's intuition" or "male gut feeling" is not a sixth sense. u have probably perceived something concrete that spells out danger, but your brain has not caught up with your perception [u do not know yet what it is u have seen to have analyzed it logically] this is intuition. 4 some reason u can't explain u feel something is quite not right & u behave different, feeling embarrassing by your "irrational" anxiety, but this is what might have save your life. if something does not feel right, then it probably is not. never ignore such feelings & do not be embarrassed 2 act "irrationally" in front of a stranger or b afraid 2b rude. better rude, unfriendly, that than police sampling seminal fluids from your cold rectum the next morning.
2. NEVER GET INTO THE CAR. the bottom line is, once they get into the car, few victims return alive. serial rapists and serial killers use a vehicle to offer a potential victim "help" or a ride. In Canada, aged 14 Leslie Mahaffy, locked out of her house by her parents as punishment 4 coming home late, encountered handsome & charming Paul Bernardo* passing by her home in the middle of the night. after chatting a few minutes, she asked him 4 a cigarette & he told her he had some in his car. they walked 2 it & she was doomed at the moment she sat down in the passenger seat 2 smoke it & continue talking with him, even cautiously leaving the car door open & her legs dangling out on the curb. at one point Leslie turned toward the door and Bernardo snapped the trap shut: placed a knife against her throat and push her into the car. calmly drove 40 miles back 2 his house where he & his wife Karla Homolka, raped, torture for several nights & kill her. so, don't get into the car, and don't lock your kids out of the house ever. plus don't get confident by baby seats in the car or child toys, most of the serial killers/rapists have some 2 get trusted by their victims.
3. DEALING WITH STRANGERS & RECOGNIZING WARNING SIGNS OF DUPLICITY. there r behavioral indicators of potential violence in some people. when a stranger approaches u with ulterior motives, there can be underlying warning signs of duplicity:
- feigned weakness. the stranger makes a big deal of letting u know that he might be physically weaker than u: "please help me carry this to my car", & so on. so, don't believe it!
- to much information. when somebody is telling a lie, even if it sounds credible 2 u, he has less confidence in what he says; thus he tends 2 fill in more details than necessary to bolster it. this also makes a stranger appear more familiar 2 u than he really is, so: the stranger gives u much unnecessary & detailed information.
- the unrequested promise: "just one drink & then i'll take u home, i promise" u never asked him 2 promise u anything.
- friendly authority. the stranger projects some kind of nonthreatening authority: "I'll escort u/drive u out of here", "u shouldn't be walking alone here" & so on. do not be afraid 2 be rude 2 a police officer [most of sexual sadists killers use false uniforms, cars & IDs to get their victims], so, if u r signed by a police officer by car to stop in a lonely area, with your left hand let him know you've seen him & go 2 a highlighter area with people around 2 stop & always, always even if he says "it's not the moment for such bureaucracies" insist him to call 4 a buck up.
- challenging your ego. the stranger labels u in a subtly critical way, hoping that u'll be challenged 2 prove them wrong he will say things like: "u r not scared of me r u?" "u r probably not strong enough 2 help me out with this" & so on.
- teaming. often a manipulative stranger tries 2 "time up" with u. u & he suddenly become a "we": "i hate drinking alone, i know a great place we can go". this is an attempt 2 somehow bond with u or quickly establish a familiarity.
- feminine referencing. the stranger projects an image of himself in relationships with other females or children, therefore reassuring u that he is not interested in u & is harmless: "i'm supposed 2 pick up my wife in a minute", "my daughter wants a sweater just like yours". references to children & pets projects a friendly & harmless image.
- imposed obligation. a stranger imposes his help on u, & thus u feel an obligation 2 him. that obligation can then be manipulated into a placing u into a vulnerability position: "i'll help u with the tire" when 4 sure he was the one who punctured the tire in the first place. having accepted his help you would feel bad 2 refuse a simple request like that but, don't b afraid 2 b rude, say NO! & walk away. this is what saved the life of some of the survivals.
- an appeal to a vulnerable third party. "my little girl is missing, can u help me?".
- never taking no for an answer. A CLASSIC. no matter how many times u say "that's ok, i don't need your help" the stranger insists in helping u & he will persists. so, don't be afraid 2b blunt & rude, say NO! tell him loudly 2 leave u alone. if the man is decent in the first place, while your rudeness might offend him, it will not turn him into a violent offender, but, in the other hand he meant you harm, he might understand that u will not be an easy target & he might move on. so many victims latter say: "but he was so nice". niceness is not the same as being nice. niceness can be a deadly manipulative tool, be aware of what underlies a charming smile.
if however, u r unfortunate enough 2 find yourself among the 75 percent of victims who simply had the luck of being targeted by a serial rapist/killer at random & were not able 2 evade or disengage from him, there are still things u can do, but it should be pointed out, however, that of the victims in the survey who survived a serial killer's attack for some reason [don't ever scream because this arouses the offender sexually, & don't ever say things like "u don't want 2 end up in jail for this would u?, because this only reminds the killer he have 2 kill u in order 2 avoid detection leaving u as a witness. or don't ever use the popular feminist appeal "what if i were your mother, daughter or sister?", because the assailant might be precisely fantasizing that he is raping and killing his mother, sister or daughter when he is attacking u], in all of the cases, the surviving victims were raped nonetheless.
moreover, we see that prognosis is not good when u r at hands of a serial killer or rapist but one of the things that can dissuade him to harm you is that through dialogue u personalize oneself to the attacker. appear 2 him not as an object can save your life so, try hard, & remember that escape remains the best safest of all measures so, try harder.

*Paul Bernardo [28] & Karla Homolka [22]. "ken & barbie killers". raped, torture, videotaped & killed at least three young girls in canada.
*source. Peter's Vronsky: serial killers the method and madness of monsters [2004].

lunes, julio 06, 2009

everytime


¨...nothing's worse than saying goodbye. it's a little like dying.¨

*source. persepolis. 2003.

jueves, julio 02, 2009

it is what it is, although you have the key: ¨become the change you want to see¨ [MG].

"in modern society, we are creating strangers of each other. as we become strangers, we begin to see others more as objects and less human beings. were our eyes to see a man/woman [homless, mentally ill or a street child] as a human being, they will tear with emotion. but as we walk on, our eyes remain dry."

*source. mahatma gandhi.
*source. egger [2002].

miércoles, julio 01, 2009

4 those who want 2b original

in the coffee shops, cinema, malls, dinners and play games, the gossip of the moment turns to be ¨have you heard how THE guy asked HER to marry him?¨, and you can spent into it lots of time. some of the women enjoy, -truly- enjoy, the happiness of THE girl and celebrate it; in the other hand, we find these kind of woman who become jealous and envy not have been THAT girl but by any chance.
anyways. lots of stories are known, copied -too-, improved & remake. but here's one that exceeds in all the word sense, any other way & conditions to ask for marriage, and not because it's originality, but for the surroundings that accompanied it. here's the story.

in the middle of 1978, a guy who's been in prison since the spring of 1977 in utah -now in florida-, and made a spectacular ¨double¨ escape to the horror of the national population -running the shit out of him to tallahassee, florida-, was through his $9 million one of a kind -first of the double- trial, trying to convince the jurors he was an innocent man. the charges: the kidnap, rape & murder of a 12 year old girl -his last victim-, and the attack in one night of five woman in the residency area of the Florida State University who left 2 deaths and 3 women severely injured. they have been brutally battering, rape, sodomized and strangled. as he decided to defend himself as a former defendant attorney, he was standing at the court, in front of the jury, and THIS guy called HIS girlfriend to testify as a character witness during his sentencing hearing. during the examination he asked her if she would marry him and she replied ¨yes¨!!! then, he responded that he, too, wanted to marry her. a notary hired by THE girl sat among the courtroom spectators and witnessed the exchange of vows.
the story has a sad ending, though they had the opportunity to met in death row few times & had sex, where a baby girl came from, whereas he was executed in the ¨old sparky¨ at 07.06 & pronounced dead at 07.16 of the coldest january 24.1989.

for sure and just to add, this was indeed the most commented marry proposal ever for everyone in everywhere.

* source. vronsky. serial killers (2004).