FROZEN

yes, it's for porn!!!!!

2011-11-09T21:25:00.001+01:00

porque se que lo disfrutas i te gusta:

*source: avenueQ.the.internet.is.for.porn.

en un segundo i en un parpadeo...

2011-10-26T03:25:00.003+02:00

todo pasa cuando & donde menos te lo esperas... la vida te cambia en un segundo:

C.-so, how was it, how was your 'date'?-
L.-u know, i've been sitting here all day staring at the window trying to figure out what went on last night...-
C.-u've lost me...-
L.-see, cassey?, the other woman?, frank's blind date?, got completely under my skin-
C.-u mean, in a bad, annoying, irritating kind of way, right?-
L.-no, i mean she's one of the smartiest, funniest, most attractive people i've met in a long time...-
C.-no! no, no, that's not what you mean, i mean, maybe she's smart & funny, but attractive? no! that's not what women are to other women! you are mixing your metaphores here!-
L.-no i'm not, this is as clear as day to me wich is why i'm so confuse, but, i was attracted to her, not bob, i wanted to be on a date with her, not bob-
C.-christ! you were drunk!, i mean you weren't in your right mind, you are not in your right mind!, i mean jesus christ! lauren that would make you gay & you are not gay!!!!-
L.-how do you know?, i mean, i don't know, what if? [...] i've never been attracted to a woman before in my entire life!-

*source: a.girl.thing 2001.

the better way to die

2011-05-25T21:37:00.000+02:00

D.- […] What do you think the worst way to die would be? I think getting eaten by a shark would be the worst way to go. Not if it was like one of those surfers where they get hit from behind and they don't even know what happened. You know. Cause it like came up from beneath them. Like on the Jaws poster.

L.-The chick on the Jaws poster was hot.

P.- She was?

L.- I don't know. She was naked. Naked chicks are hot.

D.- But if you actually like saw the fin coming for you in the water. That would be worse than actually getting eaten. Knowing that this animal is coming for you but you can't get away. And that it's going to eat you. Like you're gonna get eaten alive? Have you guys ever seen that footage of the great white jumping out of the water to eat that seal?

L.- That's why I only swim in pools.

P.- I think burning to death would be the worst.

L.- Well yes and no. Because most people die of the smoke inhalation before any fire even hits them.

P.- I remember watching TV for like 3 days straight after 9/11. That footage that they kept showing of all of those people leaping off of the top of the Trade Center? Can you imagine how bad it was inside to know that jumping was a better way out?

L.- But they say that when you jump from that high up your heart stops before you hit the ground and you don't even feel it.

P.- OK, then Lynch. What is the worst way to die?

L.- What?

P.- No, you have an answer for everything. What's your biggest fear? Lynch has been waiting for this.

L.- Easy. The Sarlaac pit.

P.- The what?

L.- The Sarlaac pit. From Return of the Jedi? Hel-lo...being slowly digested over 1,000 years? Worst. Death. Ever.

D.- "I don't know why I never have a girlfriend, you guys!"

*source: FROZEN (2010).

the beauty of mathematics

2011-01-02T02:15:00.005+01:00

AS.- "[...] where is the beauty & harmony in cancer? what makes a cell suddenly decide to turn itself into a killer metastasis and destroy the rest of the cells in a healthy body?"

we are comfortable thinking in life as a matter of destiny, logic, than coincidence, just as an 8 comes the nine, but this is beyond the "truth".

*source. the oxford murders, 2008.

"it's hard to believe people when they say 'i know how you feel', but i actually know how you feel"

2011-01-01T22:37:00.009+01:00

I.-[...] i understand feeling as small & insignificant as humanly possible, & how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you, & it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get or gyms you join or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail, & wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell, for that brief moment, you could think that you were that happy, & sometimes you can even convince yourself that "he'll" see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new, & you'll met people who make you feel worthwhile again, & little pieces of your soul will finally come back, & all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade-

M.- well fuck, you need this more than i do (& gives her a glass of vodka).

*source: the holiday, 2007.

a sixth sense or just female instincts?

2010-12-19T08:08:00.016+01:00

the facts:

"[...] the time sequence here, would become extremely important.

1. melanie nelson had a digital clock in her room & she glanced at it at 02.45 am [...].

2. it was 03.00 am when nita neary arrived at the chi omega house, on 661 west jefferson st. at the florida state university campus, on saturday night january, 14th, 1978 [...]. when she came to the back door, she found it standing open wich didn't particularly alarm her, she shared the sorority house with other 38 coeds + a housemother. anyway, [...] she stepped in & heard a loud thump. a moment later, she heard running footsteps in the corridor above & suddenly they sounded on the front stairway. for some reason she hided herself & then, she saw 'him': a slender man with a sharp nose, wearing a dark jacket & a watch cap [...]. one second, two, three, the door was open and the man was gone. -we've been burglarized-, she thought, -or maybe one of the girls had the nerve to sneak somebody upstairs-.

3. [...] she ran up the stairs & woke her roomate: -there's someone in the house, i just saw a man leave!-. [...] nothing seemed to be missing or wrong but they decided to go upstairs.

4. still discussing about calling the police, karen, another housemate, begin to run down the hall staggering holding her head in both hands, covered in blood. she seemed to be delirious.

5. nita ran to wake the housemother & went back to the room karen shared with kathy, who was sat on her bed, holding her head in her hands, moaning unintelligibly & blood gushed from her head too.

6. nancy, nita's roomate dialed 911.

7. brannon + newkirk, two police officers arrived at 03.23/03.26 am & didn't have any idea what layed ahead of them.

8. both girls (karen + kathy) seemed to be terribly injured. kathy was conscious, but she had lacerations & puncture wounds on her face, a broken jaw in three places, a whipslash injury to her neck + deep lacerations on her shoulder. karen had a concussion, a broken jaw, broken teeth, facial bone fractures & cuts + one finger crushed. they did not remember anyting because they were both sleeping when the man had hammered blows on their heads. the room looked like an abatoir.

9. as the officers went inside to check the house, officer ray crew (who joined the police officers minutes later) went into the room #4 & found a girl lying on her bed, the covers pulled up over her shoulders. she had been strangled (a ligature mark on her throat); had a bruise on her forehead + scratches on her face. her right collarbone had been broken by a tremendous blow. her right nipple was attached by only a thread of tissue + a double bite mark on her left buttock had been found. she had been sexually assaulted: an unyielding object had been jammed into her body, tearing & bruising the rectal orifice & the vaginal vault, causing hemorrhage in the lining of the womb & other internal organs. the weapon used, was a 'clairol' hair mist bottle with a nozzle-top, it was stained with blood, fecal matter & hair. her name was lisa, lisa levy.

10. opposite on the hall, newkirk stepped into the room that one of the coeds that feared her roomate could be injured too, had shown him & he felt as if he were walking through a nightmare when he got into the room. margaret, layed on her face & the covers pulled up around her neck. as he walked closer, he realized he could actually see into her brain, her skull had been shattered. the blows made on the right side of the girl's head had caused depressed fractures, & indeed, there was more damage to the left side of the brain (later on, they will find out that the killer was lefthanded) than in the right. the force dealt to this girl's head was so tremendous that her brain had been slammed against the left side of the skull when she was struck. a pantyhose ligature was cut from the girl's neck, buried so deep that it could hardly be seen in the flesh, killing her by strangulation. one leg had been cut off by the killer & unlike lisa, she bore no evidence of a sexual assault.

11. rage, hate, animalistic mutilation & what was the worst, how was it possible that a killer could enter the sorority house's sleeping area of 39 coeds so easily, without anyone heard a thing, & do all those atrocities with such rapidity as to be unimaginable? [...]."

a sixth sense or just female instincts?

24 years later, a coed from that same sorority remembering the night the murders took place, spoke.

the cuestion was: "how could anyone have done so much damage, so quietly in such a short time, with all those thirty-nine girls, & a housemother?."

"[...] 'he had already scouted it out, that afternoon i think. for some reason, we were all gone saturday afternoon. when we came home, the housemother's cat was acting spooked, & its hair was standing on end. it ran through our legs & out the door, & it didn't come back for two weeks'. she said some of the girls had felt the presence of a kind of evil that night. [...] 'at least two of the girls who were upstairs in the sleeping area had experienced stark terror, a free-floating dread with nothing to pin it to. kim had sore throath, & she went to bed early. she woke up sometime during the night to go down to the bathroom to get a drink of water [...], but she said she suddenly felt such unreasoning terror, as if something awful was waiting for her, so she backed into her room & locked the door. didn't come out until the police banged on the door later'.

'it must have been a little bit after that, tina started down the back stairs to the kitchen to get a snack, but it was the same kind of thing: she couldn't seem to make her feet go down those stairs, she started to shake & ran into her room too. she'd felt something or someone waiting down below'".

it is a fact that all the women who survived this serial killer, felt, among so many more things that "something about him was wrong"; "i will never forget those eyes that stare as long as i live"; "there was something in his eyes, something evil"; "my insides were shaken, there was something about him that terrified me". following their instincts, those girls screamed, fought, ran & did things that saved their lives.

the lesson here is: follow your instincts & never hesitate about it. it could save your life.

*source: ann rule's (2009) "the stranger beside me"; keppel + birnes (2005) "the riverman: ted bundy and i hunt for the green river killer".

also, my feelings

2010-12-19T01:50:00.003+01:00

"there is nothing wrong with my life that reincarnation couldn't improve upon"
ted bundy (1980).

"he was a shadow man, fighting to survive in a world that was never made for him"
ann rule (1980).

*source. ann rule's "the stranger beside me" 2001/2009. 5th edition. signet books. USA.

because the moments i hate to be alive are so many

2010-12-16T05:30:00.007+01:00

P.- "the poor thing. she's just a puppy. she won't understand that i died. she's gonna think i left her. that i forgot about her. all she wants is for me to come home. she's probably waiting by the door for me right now. every sound she hears in the hallway she's probably cocking her little head to the side, waiting to see if i'm going to walk in. but i won't. i won't ever walk in. and shayna's going to starve to death. the poor thing is gonna wither away and die waiting by the door for me and it's all my fault".
L.- "she won't starve to death and you're not going to die". "
P.- "no one else has a key to my place.
L.- "the neighbors will break the door down if she doesn't stop barking. someone will figure it out. she'll be fine. and so will you. so will we".

there's a reason for why MIA came into my life. there's a reason for why she was born and the force that dragged me to her.
she's all my life. all that matters and every breath that keeps me alive.

*source: frozen 2010

porque lejos de ti es demasiado

2010-12-15T21:58:00.002+01:00

escucho un comentario de todos mis amigos.que me hallan diferente, que estoy tan destruido.que apenas soy la sombra, soy un desconocido.que a veces ni respondo, que ya no soy el mismo.i todos siempre piensan saber más de la cuenta.lo sienten, lo conversan y de ello se alimentan.mientras que la sangre aquí en mi corazón, va subiendo arriba la temperatura.mientras mi locura va con tu cordura.mientras yo te extrañe, yo te sienta, yo te ame.

io intento pero nunca salgo del abismo.(Y todo queda en nada).mis gritos hacen eco al fondo de la nada.(Mientras mi cuerpo).mientras mi cuerpo se resiste a caer.io no te olvido mujer.

quizá yo le pido al amor demasiado.quizá por exceso y demás he pecado.quizá por costumbre, tal vez por temores.no sé porque si, no sé si hay razones.quizá por demencia, piedad o clemencia.quizá por amarte, por necesitarte.quizá porque lejos de ti es demasiado.quizá porque todas mis necesidades las tengo de ti mientras yo te ame.

io intento, pero nunca salgo del abismo.(Y todo queda en nada).mis gritos hacen eco al fondo del nada.(Mientras mi cuerpo).mientras mi cuerpo se resiste a caer.io no te olvido mujer.i io aquí muriendo i tu como si nada.pero la razón me vuelve a controlar.i dentro de mi es el dolor que habla.que conversa a solas con mi soledad.vienes, te apareces i te veo.i es que aquí no pasa el tiempo, (pasa el tiempo).

*source. ricky martin. i todo queda en nada (2004).

por que?

2010-12-01T06:39:00.002+01:00

"[...] es muy facil perderse en el dolor. el dolor llega, te seduce, juega contigo, lo haces tuyo al punto que te acostumbras a el i empiezas a creer que asi es la vida. cuando sientes ese peso en el corazon, la mayoria de las veces los parametros del dolor o del alivio se distorsionan por completo, i es muy facil quedarte clavado en lo que estas acostumbrado, el dolor. perdemos la memoria i nos olvidamos de los momentos serenos donde todo es liviano i la gravedad una aliada. esta bien sentirse herido, es algo humano. hay que sentir, pero no puedes aferrarte a la tristeza, el desconsuelo o la amargura pq acabaran contigo [...]"

*source. ricky martin: yo (2010).

ya

2010-11-29T08:37:00.004+01:00

"[...] una semana más para reunir todo el amor del tiempo. para dártelo. para que hagas con él lo que quieras: guardarlo, acariciarlo, tirarlo a la basura. no sirve, es cierto. sólo quiero una semana más para entender las cosas. porque esto es muy parecido a estar saliendo de un manicomio para entrar a un panteón [...]".

i es que, ya me cansé de estar sin ti.

*source. sabines

por favor

2010-11-23T04:46:00.000+01:00

no dejes, jamas, de escribir. eres sencillamente extraordinaria.

mono

is it wrong to wanna' find someone who can see inside of you, into the darkest corners of your heart & still love you?

2010-11-18T07:09:00.003+01:00

*source. rohtenburg 2006.

love with the safety "off"

2010-11-01T02:47:00.004+01:00

l.- when two people really love each other but they can't get it together, when do you get to that point where enough is enough?-
s.- that... oh, well, that's... you know? um, you know it's over when... ok, i have, like, these psychosomatic insomniatic manifestations of... well, here's the thing about me. i'm a product of my emotions, not a product of my environment, like him, which he is, exactly, just that environmental... i-i need sunshine to grow. that's who i am. and with the projection of... i have goals.-
l.- that's your answer?-
s.- yeah-
l.- that's not right. i mean, there's a right answer here, but that's not it. look, in my business you're surrounded by loneliness and finality. i don't care what your take is on an afterlife, when people die, it's scary, and they go alone. now, the people that i send off, that have experienced love... they're a little less scared. they're still scared, but there's a calmness to 'em. i think that comes from the knowledge that somebody somewhere loved 'em, and cared for 'em and will miss 'em. now, i see that from time to time and I am awed by it. i don't think i'd be telling you this if it wasn't for frank. anyway, it's a loaded question.
look, when two people love each other, totally, truthfully, all the way love each other, the answer to that question is simple, especially in your case: when do you get to that point where enough is enough?
¨never¨

*source. the mexican (2001). pitt & roberts.

¨estoy y soy¨

2010-08-31T05:07:00.001+02:00

siempre

2010-08-08T21:51:00.003+02:00

is the ¨time¨ a human invention or property of the universe?

*

there's always a moment, when you can say NO

2010-07-24T11:42:00.000+02:00

...just because you can, doesn't mean you should...

ps.

2009-12-25T00:31:00.006+01:00

did i ask too much?, more than lots?...
i guess i'll never know.

¨la lectura simbólica es para mentir¨

2009-11-08T19:44:00.011+01:00

-¨...la biblia es un manual de malas costumbres, crueldad infinita, incestos y carnicerias.

se pueden contar mas de un millon de asesinatos.¨

Dios no es de fiar.¨-

saramago no entiende, como muchos de nosotros, la reaccion

de la iglesia que es como los perros de pavlov,

responde inmediatamente al estimulo

sin ni siquiera haber leido el libro.

*source. saramago. casa de américa. madrid. ¨caín¨. 3 noviembre 2009.

*source. caravaggio: sacrifice of isaac. 1603. uffizi gallery, florence.

*stendhal syndrome. when i was in front of this caravaggio's masterpiece.

whether you like it or not

2009-11-08T05:15:00.006+01:00

- every action we take, has a reaction...

- every decision we make, has a consequence...

- & even the smallest choice, can have an impact a world away.

although, sometimes, it's not that far...

*source: lukas moodysson, mammoth 2009.

todo a su tiempo, y el nuestro llego

2009-10-05T06:43:00.012+02:00

el dia de hoy, es y ha sido EL DIA. uno de los mejores de mi vida sin duda.

me has convertido en madre, mama por fin de un sersito maravilloso al que no puedo esperar tener en mis brazos o verla dormir en los tuyos, a mi lado. y con la duda siempre de ¿a quién he de cuidar más?

muy poco es lo que falta para estar juntas las tres, en familia, como debe ser y para siempre. no desesperes, todo a su tiempo que ya estoy alli.

las amo por sobre todas las cosas, a las dos. sencillamente son mi vida entera, el sentido del mio existir y mi motivacion diaria.

te amo cariño, y saber que nací para coincidir contigo y disfrutar de esto que hemos y estamos construyendo juntas, no fue fácil asimilarlo, descubrirlo y aceptarlo. insisto. algo muy bueno en esta vida habré hecho para merecerte y merecer lo que tengo contigo.

gracias por ti.

bitxi

yes, shit happens

2009-09-06T20:40:00.004+02:00

there was once, a woman who reported to passing police officers that her purse had just been snatched, & she provided a very good description of the man who did it. two blocks away officers arrested him with the handbag still in his possession. they read him his miranda's and advised him they will take him back to the victim for a positive identification.

upon arrival, & before the woman could say a thing, the suspect pointed his finger at her and said: ¨yep, that's the woman i took the purse from¨ ...the police officers looked at each other trying to understand the stupidity of their suspect. now that's what i call a positive identification!

*source. hazelwood & michaud: dark dreams [2001]. pp 40.

*source. the world's most stupid criminals.

*recomended:http://www.joost.com/0485naw/t/World-s-Most-Stupid-Criminals#id=0485naw

between the distrust & the inevitable doubt to let oneself go into the madness that comes by & although there's always the "dubai" issue, we belong

2009-08-30T08:46:00.008+02:00

C. "-...look, i know who you are, & i love you anyways...-" & they stay still looking at each other, so in love. then she interrupts: "-ok, look, what about this ...ahhhmm... on the count of three, whatever we've got, let's just put it on the table, one time, last time...-" & suddenly he interrupts her:

R. "-i have it-"

C. "-i said on the count of three-"

R. "-i have it. why wait? what's the point? i love you-" & she looks at him with tenderness: "-i think about you all the time. i think about you even when you're with me. i look at you , i can't stop looking at you. i look at you and i think: that woman, that woman knows who i am and loves me anyway...-"

so, this is our story, i put & give you my life on the table, with faith & devotion for it's all i got to offer to you & i take yours instead.

don't you realize how much i belong to you?, we belong.

mono

*source: duplicity 2009.

porque tu, solo tu

2009-08-27T00:56:00.005+02:00

de Raffaello Sanzio (Rafael) a Baldassare Castiglione:
"...entre las mujeres las bellezas son tan poco comunes, que utilizo una idea salida de mi imaginación..."
en la mia imaginacion, la única materialización del concepto de belleza, eres tu, cariño mio.

mono

*source: louvre de bolsillo.

de equidad de genero, platicas con mama y otras cosas

2009-08-20T03:56:00.005+02:00

esta tarde en voz de una entrenadora de box a traves de las noticias, se escucho:

"...ya paso el momento en el que las mujeres perteneciamos solo a la cocina, debemos enfrentarlo..."

y a esto mi madre brincó:

M. -pues hasta donde yo entiendo no somos sartenes o estropajos para lavar los platos!-

de noches de insomnio y nuestro proceso de pensamiento primario...

2009-07-20T21:49:00.011+02:00

la noche suele ser mágica, pero acompañada del silencio que con frecuencia la empapa y acompañada de la sintonía de tu respiración, de los latidos de tu corazón que encuentran el beat perfecto y lo sincronizan al mío, la noche se vuelve sencillamente un sueño.

a mitad de la noche, donde a través de tu piel me transmites el calor de nuestro amor y cuando con frecuencia estamos alerta a si la una o la otra se ha dormido ya para no desperdiciar un solo segundo de nuestra compañía, ante el mínimo movimiento salta la pregunta: -no puedes dormir? seguida del más maravilloso de los besos... [lo que consecuentemente provoca que si la una o la otra estaba durmiendo, ese beso ha sido suficiente para despertar] y finalmente acabamos otra noche más, sin dormir.

de ferret a bitxin:

T. anoche, antes de dormir y producto de la incomodidad que sentías, me aseguraste: -cariño, creo que pasaremos una noche de ¨loro¨-

Y. -una noche de ¨loro¨?, por qué de ¨loro¨?- acomodaba yo las sábanas para meterme dentro y te miré con intriga en lo que tu te metías dentro de la cama. pensaste y después de una larga pausa me miraste:

T. -no lo se, supongo que es porque los loros no cierran los ojos al dormir. que va, asi lo dice mi madre...- pero reflexionaste y yo agregué:

Y. -cariño, los loros tienen párpados, cierran los ojos para dormir.-

T. -ah si?, pues no lo se fijate. asi lo dice mi madre. interesante.-

Y. -si cariño, será entonces porque estamos tan llenas de la cena [habíamos ido al morton's] con esta barriga que no podemos acomodarla que hemos de dormir paradas. los loros duermen parados con la barriga de fuera sobre el palo que los sostiene...-

T. -sí, seguro será eso- y nos acomodamos para dormir. pasaron unas cuantas horas y efectivamente, la barriga no nos dejaba dormir. ¨no tenemos remedio¨ pensaba yo pues la comida siempre ha sido una debilidad compartida... cuando de pronto, hago un movimiento y me haces LA pregunta: ¨no puedes dormir?¨ a la que yo respondí con una negativa. sin embargo nos quedamos en silencio, abrazadas hasta que interrumpiste la calma:

T. -cariño, ya lo tengo!, si si, tres cosas que me llevaría a una isla desierta:

1. tu

2. agua

3. y el cheff del morton's-

Y. te abrazo con fuerza buscando el calor de tu piel y riendo agrego: -de qué me hablas amor?, qué te ha pegado ahora?-

T. -si, eso, la pregunta más típica española: ¨qué llevarías contigo a una isla desierta¨- española? universal será [pensé, pues entre los mexicanitos también es típica]. pero lograste captar mi atención y despertarme de una para atender a tu filosofía nocturna.

Y. -mira que tu si sabes eh, el cheff del morton's?- reí.

T. -claro, y podemos arreglar que lo sustituya el del ¨cheescacke factory¨ en caso de que nos harte el del morton's y le demos con un palo para devolverlo¨...- reí aún más. en eso, el vecino de arriba que ya no sabemos si es un sado-masoquista, baila la danza del venado, le gusta follarse a la cama o que coños hace, ha dado tal bostezo que se escuchó hasta nuestro piso.

Y. -joder con el vecino, no se ha tragao post garden's porque no le alcanza. que fuerte cariño, si nosotras le escuchamos es que el nos escucha a nosotras, imagínatelo!- me preocupé depronto.

T. -que va!, si te fijas el sonido que se escucha es el del vecino de arriba, no el de abajo. el sonido viene de arriba a abajo, por tanto el vecino de arriba no nos escucha.- y me quedé con una cara que reflejaba mi duda [a fin de cuentas que más daba si quien nos escuchaba era el vecino de arriba, podia ser el de abajo o el de al lado]:

Y. -quee?, cómo?-

T. si, mira. el sonido no gravita, baja para abajo, por tanto escuchamos el sonido del vecino de arriba, no el de abajo.- yo buscaba excusas tales como la moqueta que tenemos nosotras en el piso y la duela que tiene el vecino de arriba; el que nosotras somos más cuidadosas y al vecino de arriba le vale, etcétera, qué se yo. pero ciertamente jamás pensé en la gravedad del sonido.

Y. -cariño, pero qué dices?-

T. -si, el sonido no gravita, es decir, no flota, cae por acción de la gravedad...- y me jalaste hacia ti y caiste dormida.

aun no logro explicarme el razonamiento de tu lógica, la cual sin lugar a dudas tiene bastante sentido común. vamos que, me he preguntado cuánto pesa el mundo, si cada vez que nace más gente el mundo pesa más, cuánto oxígeno consume un cerillo [en caso de que algún dia un asesino serial me entierre viva] pero, ¿si el sonido tiene gravedad? jamás.

en definitiva cada dia me sorprendes más.

contigo aprendo cada día la inquietud de la curiosidad y adquiero más y más esa capacidad de asombro que uno tiende a perder cuando crece. te amo por sobre todas las cosas, y gracias por todas y cada una de las noches que construyes para mi. por tu calor y por tu amor.

just in case

2009-07-15T23:29:00.005+02:00

¨...u might already be a survivor of a serial killer or a serial rapist without even knowing it. maybe u sat near one in a movie theatre or in a restaurant... maybe u've passed one in the street or parked your car next to one. one might have approached u: do u remember any odd requests from a stranger 2 help him carry a package 2 his car or look 4 a lost puppy?, some man whose attentions u turned away in a bar? a nice couple who offered u a ride [they looked fine but somehow there was something not quite right] & u just turned them down?. maybe u r alive because u chatted with a friend a minute longer instead of walking off alone, or because somebody else, whom u don't even recall, arrived in the parking lot as u were getting into your car...

having casual contact with a serial killer [or a serial rapist that in most of the cases become killers in order to not let any witnesses] 4 once, might be not all that astronomical. hundreds of them are at each moment of the day looking 4 a prey & your own deeds & actions however, can dramatically increase those chances: 2b a victim depend on your behavior & simple choices u make. though, being catch is one thing, survival in the hands of a serial killer/rapist is another one & is at best a marginal and highly idiosyncratic process because, what may save your life with one type of personality of the offender [the way you can behave or deal with the situation] may condemn u 2 a brutal sexual attack or what its worse, 2 death with another.

plus, besides the way u behave, there exists some other preferences that the serial killer or rapist will seek in a potential victim. based on the FBI survey of serial killers & their victims, we see that being white immediately [f.eg.] increases your risk: being female [82 percent], unmarried [80 percent] & between ages 15-28 [73 percent] all put u at higher risk.

so, what comes as follows is not a guide to survival a serial killer or rapist but a few tips you might consider as measures & at your own risk.

1. TRUST YOUR INTUITION. never underestimate your instincts or your intuition. "bad feeling/women's intuition" or "male gut feeling" is not a sixth sense. u have probably perceived something concrete that spells out danger, but your brain has not caught up with your perception [u do not know yet what it is u have seen to have analyzed it logically] this is intuition. 4 some reason u can't explain u feel something is quite not right & u behave different, feeling embarrassing by your "irrational" anxiety, but this is what might have save your life. if something does not feel right, then it probably is not. never ignore such feelings & do not be embarrassed 2 act "irrationally" in front of a stranger or b afraid 2b rude. better rude, unfriendly, that than police sampling seminal fluids from your cold rectum the next morning.

2. NEVER GET INTO THE CAR. the bottom line is, once they get into the car, few victims return alive. serial rapists and serial killers use a vehicle to offer a potential victim "help" or a ride. In Canada, aged 14 Leslie Mahaffy, locked out of her house by her parents as punishment 4 coming home late, encountered handsome & charming Paul Bernardo* passing by her home in the middle of the night. after chatting a few minutes, she asked him 4 a cigarette & he told her he had some in his car. they walked 2 it & she was doomed at the moment she sat down in the passenger seat 2 smoke it & continue talking with him, even cautiously leaving the car door open & her legs dangling out on the curb. at one point Leslie turned toward the door and Bernardo snapped the trap shut: placed a knife against her throat and push her into the car. calmly drove 40 miles back 2 his house where he & his wife Karla Homolka, raped, torture for several nights & kill her. so, don't get into the car, and don't lock your kids out of the house ever. plus don't get confident by baby seats in the car or child toys, most of the serial killers/rapists have some 2 get trusted by their victims.

3. DEALING WITH STRANGERS & RECOGNIZING WARNING SIGNS OF DUPLICITY. there r behavioral indicators of potential violence in some people. when a stranger approaches u with ulterior motives, there can be underlying warning signs of duplicity:

- feigned weakness. the stranger makes a big deal of letting u know that he might be physically weaker than u: "please help me carry this to my car", & so on. so, don't believe it!

- to much information. when somebody is telling a lie, even if it sounds credible 2 u, he has less confidence in what he says; thus he tends 2 fill in more details than necessary to bolster it. this also makes a stranger appear more familiar 2 u than he really is, so: the stranger gives u much unnecessary & detailed information.

- the unrequested promise: "just one drink & then i'll take u home, i promise" u never asked him 2 promise u anything.

- friendly authority. the stranger projects some kind of nonthreatening authority: "I'll escort u/drive u out of here", "u shouldn't be walking alone here" & so on. do not be afraid 2 be rude 2 a police officer [most of sexual sadists killers use false uniforms, cars & IDs to get their victims], so, if u r signed by a police officer by car to stop in a lonely area, with your left hand let him know you've seen him & go 2 a highlighter area with people around 2 stop & always, always even if he says "it's not the moment for such bureaucracies" insist him to call 4 a buck up.

- challenging your ego. the stranger labels u in a subtly critical way, hoping that u'll be challenged 2 prove them wrong he will say things like: "u r not scared of me r u?" "u r probably not strong enough 2 help me out with this" & so on.

- teaming. often a manipulative stranger tries 2 "time up" with u. u & he suddenly become a "we": "i hate drinking alone, i know a great place we can go". this is an attempt 2 somehow bond with u or quickly establish a familiarity.

- feminine referencing. the stranger projects an image of himself in relationships with other females or children, therefore reassuring u that he is not interested in u & is harmless: "i'm supposed 2 pick up my wife in a minute", "my daughter wants a sweater just like yours". references to children & pets projects a friendly & harmless image.

- imposed obligation. a stranger imposes his help on u, & thus u feel an obligation 2 him. that obligation can then be manipulated into a placing u into a vulnerability position: "i'll help u with the tire" when 4 sure he was the one who punctured the tire in the first place. having accepted his help you would feel bad 2 refuse a simple request like that but, don't b afraid 2 b rude, say NO! & walk away. this is what saved the life of some of the survivals.

- an appeal to a vulnerable third party. "my little girl is missing, can u help me?".

- never taking no for an answer. A CLASSIC. no matter how many times u say "that's ok, i don't need your help" the stranger insists in helping u & he will persists. so, don't be afraid 2b blunt & rude, say NO! tell him loudly 2 leave u alone. if the man is decent in the first place, while your rudeness might offend him, it will not turn him into a violent offender, but, in the other hand he meant you harm, he might understand that u will not be an easy target & he might move on. so many victims latter say: "but he was so nice". niceness is not the same as being nice. niceness can be a deadly manipulative tool, be aware of what underlies a charming smile.

if however, u r unfortunate enough 2 find yourself among the 75 percent of victims who simply had the luck of being targeted by a serial rapist/killer at random & were not able 2 evade or disengage from him, there are still things u can do, but it should be pointed out, however, that of the victims in the survey who survived a serial killer's attack for some reason [don't ever scream because this arouses the offender sexually, & don't ever say things like "u don't want 2 end up in jail for this would u?, because this only reminds the killer he have 2 kill u in order 2 avoid detection leaving u as a witness. or don't ever use the popular feminist appeal "what if i were your mother, daughter or sister?", because the assailant might be precisely fantasizing that he is raping and killing his mother, sister or daughter when he is attacking u], in all of the cases, the surviving victims were raped nonetheless.

moreover, we see that prognosis is not good when u r at hands of a serial killer or rapist but one of the things that can dissuade him to harm you is that through dialogue u personalize oneself to the attacker. appear 2 him not as an object can save your life so, try hard, & remember that escape remains the best safest of all measures so, try harder.

*Paul Bernardo [28] & Karla Homolka [22]. "ken & barbie killers". raped, torture, videotaped & killed at least three young girls in canada.

*source. Peter's Vronsky: serial killers the method and madness of monsters [2004].

everytime

2009-07-06T23:29:00.005+02:00

¨...nothing's worse than saying goodbye. it's a little like dying.¨

*source. persepolis. 2003.

it is what it is, although you have the key: ¨become the change you want to see¨ [MG].

2009-07-02T06:33:00.006+02:00

"in modern society, we are creating strangers of each other. as we become strangers, we begin to see others more as objects and less human beings. were our eyes to see a man/woman [homless, mentally ill or a street child] as a human being, they will tear with emotion. but as we walk on, our eyes remain dry."

*source. mahatma gandhi.

*source. egger [2002].

4 those who want 2b original

2009-07-01T21:59:00.020+02:00

it is well known in the few-left-boring-traditional cultures, that one of the most important details for the girls whom dream to get married some day, is the way they are ask for. 4 them -the blue prince- is a gold star to show off as the super-original-hero if the moment went beyond, exceed the society -bride friends precisely- expectations. this means ¨he IS THE guy¨. 4 the bride, is the last proof of the obviousness fact that ¨she got THE guy¨ and so on, she WILL marry THE guy.

in the coffee shops, cinema, malls, dinners and play games, the gossip of the moment turns to be ¨have you heard how THE guy asked HER to marry him?¨, and you can spent into it lots of time. some of the women enjoy, -truly- enjoy, the happiness of THE girl and celebrate it; in the other hand, we find these kind of woman who become jealous and envy not have been THAT girl but by any chance.

anyways. lots of stories are known, copied -too-, improved & remake. but here's one that exceeds in all the word sense, any other way & conditions to ask for marriage, and not because it's originality, but for the surroundings that accompanied it. here's the story.

in the middle of 1978, a guy who's been in prison since the spring of 1977 in utah -now in florida-, and made a spectacular ¨double¨ escape to the horror of the national population -running the shit out of him to tallahassee, florida-, was through his $9 million one of a kind -first of the double- trial, trying to convince the jurors he was an innocent man. the charges: the kidnap, rape & murder of a 12 year old girl -his last victim-, and the attack in one night of five woman in the residency area of the Florida State University who left 2 deaths and 3 women severely injured. they have been brutally battering, rape, sodomized and strangled. as he decided to defend himself as a former defendant attorney, he was standing at the court, in front of the jury, and THIS guy called HIS girlfriend to testify as a character witness during his sentencing hearing. during the examination he asked her if she would marry him and she replied ¨yes¨!!! then, he responded that he, too, wanted to marry her. a notary hired by THE girl sat among the courtroom spectators and witnessed the exchange of vows.

the story has a sad ending, though they had the opportunity to met in death row few times & had sex, where a baby girl came from, whereas he was executed in the ¨old sparky¨ at 07.06 & pronounced dead at 07.16 of the coldest january 24.1989.

for sure and just to add, this was indeed the most commented marry proposal ever for everyone in everywhere.

* source. vronsky. serial killers (2004).

* recommended: TIME. monday.july.16.1979.

...one way or another...

2009-06-25T01:55:00.004+02:00

who was a winner born, has to win one way or another,

and the winner takes it all. always.

* source. mamma mia! 2008.

this happened to me when i met you.... 4 sure...

2009-06-24T19:59:00.005+02:00

SKY
I wasn't jealous before we met
Now every man that I see is a potential threat
And I'm possessive, it isn't nice
You've heard me saying that smoking was my only vice
But now it isn't true
Now everything is new
And all I've learned
Has overturned
I beg of you

SOPHIE
Don't go wasting your emotion
Lay all your love on me

It was like shooting a sitting duck
A little small talk, a smile and baby I was stuck
I still don't know what you've done with me
A grown-up woman should never fall so easily
I feel a kind of fear
When I don't have you near
Unsatisfied
I skip my pride
I beg you dear

SKY
Don't go wasting your emotion
Lay all your love on me

BOYS
Don't go sharing your devotion
Lay all your love on me

SOPHIE
I've had a few little love affairs
They didn't last very long and they've been pretty scarce

SKY
I used to think that was sensible
It makes the truth even more incomprehensible

SOPHIE
'Cause everything is new
And everything is you
And all I've learned
Has overturned
What can I do?

SKY / PEPPER / EDDIE / BOYS
Don't go wasting your emotion
Lay all your love on me
Don't go sharing your devotion
Lay all your love on me

GIRLS
Don't go wasting your emotion
Lay all your love on me
Don't go sharing your devotion
Lay all your love on me

*source. lay all your love on me. abba.

we tend to repeat patterns... old patterns rather good ones or bad ones, but patterns anyways

2009-06-24T18:46:00.008+02:00

...and the good thing is, that there's always someone out there -good friends, your partner in love, somebody, anybody- that makes you to realize this, encouraging you to "walk the straight a narrow" or be back to the good path at once! -or the one that used 2b-

R. -but they've gone- (talking about demons, old demons).

D. -i don't know that, i don't know where they are, i don't know why they're here, and i have brought this all on my self because i was a stupid, reckless little slut!!!!-

T. -whooooaaa!!!! don't you sound like your mother?-

D. -i do not!!!-

R & T. -yes yo so do!!!!!!- (and all the inevitable laughs come across)

D. -oh, my god, i do not!-

R. -you do, it's catholic guilt!!!!! you've been living like a nun!!!!!!!-

T. -yeah! whatever happened to our Donna?-

D. -[...]....i grew up...-

T. -well, then, grow back down again!!!

*source. mamma mia! [2008].

...home...

2009-06-22T20:17:00.004+02:00

...it feels like commin' home...

*source. never saw blue like that. Shawn Colvin.

you do. indeed. although, i understand how annoying sometimes can be.

2009-06-22T13:35:00.005+02:00

i thank you with all my life

i love you, with all my heart.

* You rise me up. JG + children chorus from africa.

la paranoia tiene su lado positivo

2009-06-19T18:22:00.004+02:00

¨un sutil pensamiento erróneo puede dar lugar a una indagación fructífera que revela verdades de gran valor¨ y en definitiva, viceversa.

* source. isacc asimov

¨...antes roto que doblado, antes muero que dejarte...¨

2009-06-16T21:57:00.005+02:00

como un pacto sin firmar/yo no espero más de ti/tú de mí no esperas más/un pacto sin firmar/en la planta de tus pies/traes arena de otro mar/te los limpio y me hago el loco/y como si esto fuera poco/antes roto que doblarme/antes muero que dejarte

y no espero que seas nadie/para mí no es importante/yo no bailo con princesas/pero te haré reina del baile/estoy a punto de romperme/porque me gustas con coraje/mira que te lo advertí/que te metes con quien no sabes/ya te habrás dado cuenta amor/que yo no hago cosas normales

ven que no voy a cambiarte/ni tu vida será otra/yo te invito a este lugar/donde el amor no se equivoca

ven que no voy a cambiarte/ni tu vida será otra/o ven conmigo a este lugar/donde el amor no se equivoca

como un pacto sin firmar/yo no espero más de ti/y tú de mí no esperas más/es un pacto sin firmar/en la planta de tus pies/en el árbol, en la mar

mira que te lo advertí/que te metes donde no sabes/ya te habrás dado cuenta amor/que yo no hago cosas normales/pero cuando quieras escaparte/del cristal de tu escaparate/ven que no voy a cambiarte/ni tu vida será otra/ven conmigo a este lugar/donde el amor no se equivoca

ven que no voy a cambiarte/no quiero que tu vida sea otra/ven conmigo a este lugar/donde el amor no se equivoca

ven, ven, que no voy a cambiarte/ven conmigo amor/ven conmigo a este lugar/donde el amor no se equivoca

* source. en la planta de tus pies. AS

2009-06-16T19:14:00.010+02:00

¨...buenos dias a la vida, buenos dias al amor, buenos dias alegria, buenos dias señor sol...¨.

despertar con esta carita de ¨mmmmm, no-quiero-no-quiero-no-quiero ir!!!¨ es el alimento diario perfecto para el alma mia.

ferretcin, ¨...tu no sabes que humedeces mis adentros cuando dices: como te amo...¨.

* source. buenos días señor sol. JG.

* source. un te amo. LM.

all yours

2009-06-11T06:49:00.003+02:00

¨...you took my soul, but gave me life¨. i'm completely yours 'till the end of time...¨

this is it...

2009-06-05T21:47:00.003+02:00

...ahora fue mi turno, ahora me alcanzó, me tocó y llegó. ley de vida. y de ésta yo he hecho tanto...

sencillamente majestuoso, de tu mano no podría ser menos

2009-06-05T15:57:00.006+02:00

gracias por la magia que construyes cada día para mi, por sorprenderme y por compartir tanta pasión, arrebato y vida. a tu lado respiro algo que me permite vivir y no es precisamente oxígeno.

Lawra + Monica = Chris Botti. Atlanta Symphony Hall. May.22.2009

* Source: Lucia Micarelli & Chris Botti: ¨Emmanuel¨.

en mi

2009-05-14T04:50:00.006+02:00

¨...no pienso en ella. nunca lo he hecho. nunca he tenido remordimientos. de todas formas ella estaba completamente consciente de que le estaba haciendo daño, lo sabía y jamás pudo razonar. además, era demasiada mi ira. no había sitio en mi para sentir algo por ella...¨

* Source. Candice Skrapec. 2002. Conversaciones con asesinos seriales.

sex has no explanation

2009-05-06T05:39:00.009+02:00

A. You can't explain it all, you understand?
P. Sure, it's not rational.
A. Paranoiacs need everything explained. 
Some things can't be explained. It's like talk, talk, talk. 
Sometimes... you fuck, and after, everything's all right, 
I don't know why. The Body talks.
 
Ps. Definitively, the body talks better than our brain. U r simply fantastic.

* Irréversible 2002.

2009-05-03T20:40:00.004+02:00

S. -Woooow!, you made it!, you are here, you came!-

H. -Yes, how wouldn't I?-

S. -Didn't you say it was impossible?-

H. -Didn't you say it was important?-

* Devil's advocate (1997)

2009-04-30T02:18:00.012+02:00

-give me your hand, what is this?- she takes his hand and puts it on her heart. -what is this?- & he thinks.

-it's my heart, and it's broken, can you tell?, can you feel it?-

i'd seen through it, now i elect to grow up.

*Source. Great Expectations (1998).

porque en ese beso te entregue mi vida y puse mi alma a tus pies

2009-04-26T19:08:00.004+02:00

La decisión del primer beso es la más crucial en cualquier historia de amor, porque contiene dentro de sí la rendición.

* Emile Ludwig

and so it is

2009-04-25T19:59:00.003+02:00

¨...madness, as you know, is like gravity, all it takes is a little push...¨

* The Joker. The Dark Night (2008)

the fear among us: the lost

2009-04-25T19:51:00.005+02:00

¨it seemed to me a lot more efficient not to have someone, unless you're absolutely sure that they weren't going to go to anybody... or somewhere else¨

* E.E.Kemper.

conversations at work

2009-04-25T19:38:00.008+02:00

¨I had fantasies about mass murder, whole groups of select women I could get together in one place, get them dead and then make mad passionate love to their dead corpses. Taking life away from them, a living human being, and then having possession of everything that used to be theirs. All that would be mine. Everything.¨

*E. E. Kemper.

2009-04-14T06:11:00.006+02:00

No era extraño que esos momentos de introspección le arrancaran una lágrima... Durante el trayecto de ésta, Fernanda reconocía que a veces la sociedad, aunque estúpida e incapaz de comprender la necesidad innata de todo ser humano por la verdadera y auténtica compañía de algún otro -con todo lo que ello implicaba- no le fallaba constantemente. Era ella misma quien insistía en creer que sus exigencias eran naturales y nada exageradas, para asi confirmar la idea que había generado su adolescencia acerca de la inexistencia del amor, acerca de su simpleza y ficción pura cuando de pareja se trataba, y que había reforzado sin duda el episodio más importante de su vida años después... Notaba incluso, que un par de veces había sido ella quien había provocado sus fracasos amorosos insistiendo en un “lo ven”, “lo sabía”... y no había otra cosa que doliera más que reconocer que la lucha que se entablaba entre emociones, necesidades y realidades, era con ella misma. No existía en la vida de Fernanda enemigo más cruel y tenaz que ella misma... y la derrota que acababa por sentir durante momentos como ese, era el resultado del duelo interno al que sometía sus emociones y sentimientos. El alivio posterior, era tarea sin duda de la cómoda justificación que le proveía su profesión: ¨nadie estará nunca a salvo cerca de mi¨ pensaba, y la simple idea de que la desgracia en venganza contra ella alcanzara a los suyos como había sucedido ya, era pretexto suficiente para un duelo obligado y la vida solitaria a la que inherentemente resultaba éste ligado.

Ir al lugar de los ¨momentos importantes¨ jamás proporcionaba un camino de fácil acceso y menos para una persona como Fernanda, ese lugar albergaba un episodio que representaba prácticamente la única evidencia capaz de recordarle su condición humana –detalle que olvidaba muy a menudo-. Fernanda era una mujer con suerte, así la describían sus allegados. Una mujer fuerte, misteriosa, reservada, solitaria y expresiva, muy cariñosa y a la vez distante y fría y para esos momentos de introspección, un sorbo de buen vino era lo preciso para el escape perfecto. La copa de vino se había vaciado un poco más de la mitad en un intento por huir de esa escena, a la que por imposible que pareciera estaba ligada su carrera de éxito, carrera que le extendía la vida como un regalo de dioses, como único tapete ancho e interminable donde posar cada paso por avanzar. Fernanda era una mujer decidida y firme, ya no había marcha atrás y por ninguna razón se detendría.

Logrado el cometido en un trago, la cereza que Fernanda había colocado dentro del cristal se peleaba con su lengua por entrar por fin en su garganta y ser procesada como todo alimento; Fernanda rió y de una mordida la encerró bajo su paladar. Su destino estaba ya descrito. A la par, Fernanda decidió dejar de pensar, abandonar el sonido exquisito del mar, verificar que la calefacción estuviera apagada y echar un vistazo a la chimenea. El fuego era uno de sus dos elementos favoritos.

La temperatura oscilaba entre los 13 y 15 grados centígrados, no hacía frío del todo pero el fresco que apenas se sentía a través del viento, advertía que probablemente la madrugada arrojaría nortes, los grandes ventanales del piso no perdonaban esas temperaturas y habia que hacer algo al respecto, Fernanda peleaba ante todo y siempre, comodidad. Frente a la chimenea, el fuego la introdujo en un estado hipnótico al que parecía resistirse. Escenas de ese agitado episodio en su pasado del que siempre trataba de huir, comenzaron a aparecer al compás de las llamas y su respiración acompañaba el incremento de la intensidad del recuerdo. Su vida era ¨normal¨ como la de cualquier otra persona que había nacido con la fortaleza para luchar por sus ideales, una estrella que garantizaba un camino iluminado, una estrella que le daba brillo propio aunque a veces éste fuese altamente deslumbrante aún para ella misma. Ante este escenario, Fernanda, recordaba haber tocado el límite del desliz, y su descuido le había costado la incapacidad de evitar el sentimiento crónico de responsabilidad por lo ocurrido. Súbitamente salió de ese estado y decidió que era momento para ducharse.

Encendió las llaves de la bañera y un par de velas al costado. Observó detenidamente cómo caía el agua. Vació un poco de sales y polvos espumosos y poco a poco comenzó a desvestirse. Antes de meterse dentro fue por la botella de vino y luego de colocarla allí, bien al alcance mojó por fin su piel -no sin antes robarse una trufa que yacía a la espera de ser seleccionada en un platillo de diversos chocolates, antojo que caracterizaba a Fernanda por excelencia.

*Mónica Ramírez Cano

2009-04-13T03:59:00.003+02:00

III

La noche comenzaba apenas, el loft de tamaño normal, sencillo, amplio y con grandes ventanales que permitían apreciar el mar, conservaba la frescura que durante la tarde había arrojado ese día de otoño, mismo que arrancó a Fernanda un escalofrío al encender la luz. Antes de dar un par de pasos dentro, encendió la calefacción moderadamente, quitó sus zapatos y les acomodó en un pequeño espacio en la pared izquierda que había adaptado de manera sencilla y práctica, para consecuentar ese hábito tan antiguo de quitarse los zapatos a la entrada a casa. Sonrió recordando aquellos días y rectificó con una mirada rápida que todo lo suyo estuviera en orden. Poco había en ese espacio tan suyo, Fernanda prefería la amplitud, elegancia y sencillez que un recoveco minado de mobiliario inservible.

Se acercó al extremo que había dispuesto como biblioteca, una alta pared tapizada de libros cubiertos -algunos- por una detallada escalera movediza y un diván al pie que le daban un toque exquisito y muy acogedor. Al instante en el que encendía una luz tenue, un olor le transportó a un lugar que le arrancó un suspiro. Permaneció un segundo en el recuerdo y parpadeó lentamente. Arrojó lo suyo ya fastidiada de cargarle, en el diván, y fue hacia el centro del loft, donde un discreto desnivel dando lugar a una estructura simple y redonda advertía el área de la cocina, sitio no muy frecuentado por Fernanda a quien cocinar le quitaba el apetito. Dejó sobre la barra la caja de rosquillas y tomó una copa, la llenó de un vino exquisito y vaciando en el contenido una dulce cereza probó su combinación.

La noche tranquila y reflexiva, permitía a Fernanda reconocer sus pasos al caminar sobre la madera fina y bien pulida que crujía al compás de los mismos... sentía sus piernas sostenerle. Fue al extremo del loft donde se ubicaba la sala y las plantas de sus pies experimentaron un confort sutil al situarse sobre un gran tapete de piel de zebra. Deslizó en un movimiento vertical de arriba hacia abajo, su dedo anular frente al cristal que cubría el láser para tocar compactos y cerciorándose que estaba su favorito, la música dio vida a esa gran morada. Adoraba esos momentos de quietud en los que podía repasar una y otra vez todo el conjunto de detalles que conformaban su contexto y por qué no, a veces su personalidad.

Sin temerle a lo fresco que los grandes ventanales advertían, Fernanda salió al balcón luego de encender la chimenea y bebiendo un trago de vino se acomodó sobre un sofá que se columpiaba de manera discreta y pendía del techo. Gozaba escuchar el reclamo de las olas al golpear sobre la arena que insistía en no dejarles pasar más allá del límite permitido. La neblina había cedido y Fernanda adoraba ver el reflejo de la luna sobre la superficie del agua, sentir cómo el viento rozaba su piel y delicadamente se metía entre su cabello acariciándolo.

*Mónica Ramírez Cano

2009-04-12T05:37:00.007+02:00

- Buenas noches señorita Fernanda- Pronunció la voz grave, pausada y con un cautivador acento italiano; un hombre de edad avanzada, bien parecido y cuyo rostro sólo transmitía serenidad y agradecimiento. Sostenía amablemente la ligera y bien diseñada puerta de cristal, dando paso a una bella mujer que un par de minutos antes dejaba su coche justo a la entrada del edificio y se refugiaba bajo la sombrilla que se le ofrecía. Aunque independiente y sofisticada, sus ojos le traicionaban: transmitían una tierna mirada que, satisfecha, resguardaba cierto abatimiento… tan sutil que casi nadie lograba percibirle...

- Buenas noches señor Marcelo- Sonrió de manera encantadora atravesando la puerta del vestíbulo de un edificio de condominios ubicados al pie de la bahía- ...no sabía si había tomado su café aún y en el camino un pequeño capricho me detuvo en la cafetería de la esquina para comprar estas rosquillas...- Sus favoritas. Abrió la caja y lucían exquisitas, las cejas del viejo manifestaron un gusto por el alimento. Fernanda, atrevidamente y amparada en la confianza que el cariño mutuo le proporcionaba tomó una de ellas y se la ofreció. Su cabello irrumpió la fascinación con la que Don Marcelo disfrutaba de la escena y éste agregó:

- Con una sonrisa de sus labios basta para que el día de cualquiera cambie de color señorita Fernanda- Y ésta de un movimiento súbito quitó el cabello que había caído sobre su rostro y lo miró agradecida regalándole la esperada sonrisa. Sacudió enseguida el azúcar de las yemas de sus dedos tan delicadamente, casi como una caricia y avanzó hacia el ascensor.

*Mónica Ramírez Cano

pq tal como las obras de arte, en general las novelas también encuentran el título adecuado al estar completas

2009-04-10T07:47:00.011+02:00

- A qué huele el amor?- Preguntó una joven al teléfono con una sonrisa en los labios mientras enredaba el borde de su cabello en su dedo índice derecho y con su mano izquierda dirigia el volante del auto. Su mirada se perdía en la neblina que celosamente escondía el mar que al costado le daba la bienvenida a casa, la invisibilidad resaltaba la magia del sonido producido por movimiento de las olas en combinación con el canto de las gaviotas y el olor inconfundible del agua salada.

- El amor no tiene olor, o sí?, respondieron del otro lado del auricular.-

- El amor…- pensó: -huele a… peligro- afirmó. Hubo un silencio prolongado.

- Entonces el amor, huele a ti- y cortaron comunicación. Un suspiro seguido de la mano que al cerrar el mobile lo acercó a sus labios, encerró el momento y lo bautizó de reflexión. El escote que descubría la prudencia de un pecho bronceado bailaba al compás de la respiración, esa que casi cualquiera pasa desapercibida cuando es la expresión máxima de aquello que tiene vida. Lo grisáceo de las nubes cumplía su amenaza: las gotas de agua comenzaron sutilmente a bañar las ventanillas del coche, sólo que éste en avanzada dejaba tras de sí la tormenta. Los neumáticos creaban música en combinación con la lluvia que cubría el pavimento de la avenida y ese momento tenía un destino y era ya tarde para el mismo.

2b continued...

*Mónica Ramírez Cano

this is it...

2009-04-01T11:25:00.006+02:00

i've crossed oceans of time to find my self right here where i'm tonight. this is me, can't be other way, also i've nothing to offer to the world, less to you or anybody else but me. & 4 that i'm grateful, i'm grateful that i can still breath.

i'll survive, i've been there before, i don't know how but i will. 4 sure.

i'm a survivor, i remember it.

porque una mirada, dice mas que mil palabras

2009-03-24T02:40:00.009+01:00

mi amor, siempre ha sido auténtico

* (en el fondo, lo sabes)

dejenme...

2009-03-02T03:50:00.004+01:00

¨déjenme solo con el día. pido permiso para nacer¨

* Source. Neruda. Estravagario.

lo mio por ti ya no es amor, es absoluta devoción, total entrega, rendición rotunda y el descubrimiento súbito de una nueva manera de vivir

2009-03-01T19:55:00.010+01:00

al pensar cuánto es lo que uno debe atravesar,

para encontrar el propio reflejo en la mirada de otro,

lo experimento en ti y el tiempo se vuelve agua.

si se ha de buscar ese reflejo llamado 'amor'

durante toda la vida para disfrutarlo un segundo,

todo lo vivido, sufrido y olvidado

vale y merece completamente la pena,

incluso los errores y equivocaciones

cobran de pronto sentido.

siempre.

...oh yes, i can....

2009-02-08T02:53:00.014+01:00

- why do ya' think she flocks to you?-

- love... i guess, she knows & feel i love her-

- oh really?...-

- mhm. i love her voice, her eyes, her hair, her curves, her body, her laughter, her sadness... her wetness, OMG!, ...her wetness...

see?, everything about her i love... touching her, feelin' her skin against mine, making her feel good. i respect her & i respect myself, & ah...-

- & what?-

- she likes the way i kiss... i can make her 'come' just by kissing her...-

- OMG! ...do you?!-

- oh yes, i can...-

- but... i had this idea that it's her first time with, you know...-

- yes, & also.... i'm a very good first-

* source: you, my love.

* source: based upon an L world dialogue.

love & life r always a matter of the choices you decide 2 make

2009-01-21T08:14:00.006+01:00

I don't just want to grow up by your side, I want to grow old with you.

" It would be wonderful to say you regret it. It would be easy...
But what does it mean?
What does it mean to regret when you have no choice?
It's what you can bare
There it is... no one is going to forgive me.
It was death. I chose life..."

i chose my life with you, i choose to live and die 4 my passion, the passion u make me feel, my passion for u rather you are with me or not, the passion u r 4 me. i've been in love with you since the first moment i met you.

& now that i can think of, can't imagine my life without u.

* Laura Brown. The Hours. 2002

esta si que sera nuestra hija, te parece?

2009-01-21T04:06:00.006+01:00

come to your mommies babe!

...digo, para estar a la moda con Obama en nuestra casa de Atlanta!

*source: animalesmascotas.com

que no que no!

2009-01-21T00:48:00.002+01:00

así mismísimo

...you have gone away with my life...

2009-01-09T00:31:00.006+01:00

¨and you have kill the god inside me....¨

¿quién no ha repetido estas palabras alguna vez?, ¿quién no ha sentido la furia que refleja esa reflexión que como una ola golpea lo estable de la emoción? (Pocahontas in The New World). recordaba esta mañana frente al embarcadero las palabras sabias que me dijiste alguna vez: ¨algo que no pueden suplir la edad o el tiempo, es la experiencia¨, luchabas por defenderte a tus 21. no obstante, aunque es cierto, hay excepciones a la regla. tu eres una de ellas.

ha pasado el tiempo y reviso la misma frase, y casi puedo admirarme del abismo que me separa de aquella primera vez que te la escuche, ojalá hubiera prestado más atención a quien me dijo esa trilladez de ¨algún dia lo entenderás¨ pero es que ciertamente hay un momento para todo. recuerdo cuando me senti morir por aquella persona que se fue, recuerdo mi reacción ante ello casi como si hubiera sido ayer, eran mis 28 y yo estaba sola contra el mundo -San Francisco fue la clave, San Francisco lo detonó todo-, por tanto el mundo me lo debía y yo me sentía con el derecho de tomar lo que me apeteciera.

hoy lo he tomado, gracias a los bríos de los que goza tu 'edadsita', esos que me faltaron a mi siempre y que te tomé prestados; gracias a tu paciencia, esa que te he aprendido y gracias a tu inocencia, esa que me devolvió mi capacidad de asombro. todo aquello que esos 28 se llevaron, me lo ha devuelto el universo triplicado. gracias por haberte quedado, gracias por tu paciencia y espera. gracias por hacerme grande, Mía.

gracias,

that's why

2009-01-07T08:48:00.006+01:00

H. -oh!, hell no!, you r letting your fiance go out with a dude whose dick has been in her mouth!?

T. -don't fucking say that, ok?. look, i don't own her all right? she's her own woman...

H. -no she is not, not since she put that ring on her finger and said ¨yes¨. man u have got to put your foot down...

T. -no, the whole caveman thing is not my style

H. -this ain't got nothing to do with caveman, all right?, this is about trust, pure and simple. if you don't trust her, you don't marry her...

T. -(...) i trust her, ok?, i'll marry her. that's why.

*source. L World, chapter V, 1st season.

precisa de você

2009-01-04T07:33:00.005+01:00

D.- '...esqueça nâo vai dar certo...'-

J.- '...por que nâo?...'-

D.- '...do jeito que começamos, nâo temos futuro...'-

J.- '...como sabe?... eu também comencei assim...'.

preciso de você.

*source: Indecent Proposal 1993.

2009-01-04T05:36:00.006+01:00

'...perdóname si no te sigo, pero me aburre caminar. me construi unas alas de cartón y voy a intentar llegar al sol...'

porque me aburrí

2009-01-04T05:36:00.005+01:00

'...perdóname si no te sigo, pero me aburre caminar. me construi unas alas de cartón y voy a intentar llegar al sol...'

Zoe: ¨nunca¨

de tardes de evasión

2009-01-04T05:29:00.003+01:00

'...quisiera meterme debajo de un sillón, y esperar a que de una manera u otra, todo acabe...'

crisvil

les millors lliçons s'aprenen de les coses i experiències més simples

2008-12-20T21:48:00.016+01:00

reina, princesa meva.

la teva mà, encara que petita, grandiosa. em va tornar la vida i li va donar el sentit que porta d'ara endavant. la meva vida va presa d'aquesta mà, la teva mà, la vida meva, la vida nostra.

t'estimo amor meu, mes que a la vida meva, mes que a res al món. sóc de tu.

* source: michael clancy photograph.

* the unborn baby's hand: USA Today. 08.19.1999, samuel armas. 21 weeks old.

* http://www.michaelclancy.com

el iguano a cirugía!

2008-12-20T09:44:00.009+01:00

... esta noche habría sido perfecta -porque fue casi-perfecta-, si sencillamente hubieras estado a mi lado. la razón por la que no estas, es porque estarás en breve entre mis brazos y jamás te dejaré ir. no otra vez, no más.

ha sido una noche de reencuentros, amor, carcajadas -muitas muitas-, misterio y... sorpresas, sin duda. tus niñas te han extrañado, te han olido en mi y te dieron tanto amor a través de 'mi angelito guardian' que a éste le sobró tiempo para atravesar el cosmos e ir a tocar el tuyo. mi bombón que te adora, compartió el entusiasmo de la plática en la que fuiste el tema principal toda la noche convencida de que aqui, la reina eres tu y es que estás siempre presente, estás siempre aqui, a mi lado y si entre una persona y yo no esta 'claro' tu espacio, siempre hay alguien aparte de mi que lo evidencia para dejarlo claro ante quien sea.

como noche de reencuentros y ¨updates¨, debo aceptar que aunque el espiritu fue navideño, de paz y amor -que la encontramos luego de la catársis verbal, el consuelo y la terapia de risa que envolvió la atmósfera- las historias ventiladas fueron de ¨susto¨ (dirian los nacos):

a. detalles inesperados de personas que asumíamos conocer, en definitiva uno de los relatos más espeluznantes de la velada. costo: demanda compulsiva de queso suizo y dos botellas de un merlot 2001 francés.

b. un amor que revive luego de 20 años -vaya reencuentro- y que comienza a renacer -paradójicamente- luego de una muerte. costo: una botella de rioja, gran reserva 1999 y ansiedad por el más exquisito carpaccio de salmón.

c. una aclaración antropológica explicada con terminología forense en tres pasos sencillos:

- las personas 'ya traen el cable torcido', es decir, el arma la porta cada quien.

- ciertamente somos nosotros como seres individuales los responsables de la emoción que puede o no provocar la necesidad de detonar el 'gatillo' que lleva la finalidad de la catársis de la furia, rabia, culpa, etcétera 'del otro' -más no del libre albedrío de decidir jalarlo o no-.

- las condiciones externas son sin duda las q determinan el 'target', el 'blanco' hacia donde se 'apunta' con el arma.

fue importante detectar que pocas veces estamos 'aware' del arma q portan los demás, es más, muchas veces ni siquiera somos conscientes de la q portamos nosotros mismos y luego es cuando vienen las sorpresas. analizar con sumo escrutinio la economía y redistribución de responsabilidades en términos de actos y consecuencias fue básico porque nos permitió liberar culpas q veníamos cargando y no nos correspondían, asi como nos permitió identificar a los monstruos con los que frecuentemente nos relacionamos y ni enteradas -en definitiva esta vida es un monopolio denominado 'monsters inc.'-.

en esta historia la clave fue 'realize' que podemos detonar una emoción tan fuerte q lleve al extremo a otros, pero lo que cada quien haga y actúe en consecuencia y al respecto, es responsabilidad propia. costo: compulsión por chocolates, trufas, frutos secos, blackberries, ciruelas salvajes, frangélico en las rocas -y a veces derecho- y un buen pinot noir argentino -y no es q esta etapa haya correspondido al postre-.

d. el fatídico descubrimiento del ¨iguanón¨ que luego de la decisión colectiva de acudir todas al psicólogo por el shok, decidimos enviarlo a cirugía inmediata. costo: ravioles en salsa de langosta y la más exquisita de las ensaladas. el tinto: un ribera del duero delicioso.

las lecciones de la noche han sido:

1. nos amamos.

2. la mayor parte de las personas 'dormimos con el enemigo' por lo menos una vez en nuestras vidas -en mi caso y ya debería iniciar yo un juicio de interdicción contra mi, han sido más de dos-, y también nos 'convertimos' en el 'enemigo con el q alguien duerme' por lo menos una vez en nuestras vidas. nadie estamos exentos de cometer errores, lo importante es reconocerlos, detectar el motivo -que es importante porque este determina si se continuara cometiendo el error- y evitar las comisiones futuras -por lo menos segundas y terceras partes-.

3. más vale malo por conocido que bueno por conocer.

4. detectar las señales que están en el ambiente, porque nada sucede por coincidencia o casualidad.

5. la primera pregunta -antes que cualquier otra cosa- en una ¨date¨: ¿qué religión profesas?.

aaaai mamá!

2008-12-18T20:43:00.003+01:00

Bss!

tu, sólo tu.

2008-11-10T08:42:00.009+01:00

'renunciar a mi pasión,

es como desgarrar con mis uñas

una parte viva de mi corazón'

Gabrielle d' Annunzio

as simple as this.

I have crossed oceans of time to find you...

2008-11-03T09:18:00.003+01:00

renunciar a mi pasión es como desgarrar con mis uñas una parte viva de mi corazón....

* Source: Gabriele d' Annunzio

vibro

2008-11-01T03:31:00.002+01:00

...dejar la gris monotonía, de este sin vivir constante...

dejar la paz en que vivía, por este infierno delirante...

* cuando tus brazos me amarran y me vencen y dominan. vibro.

*source. vibro. bisbal/jurado.

així,

2008-10-28T05:41:00.011+01:00

així.
això és el que hi ha.
això és el que sóc.
el que vaig ser i seré.

aquest és jo, no pot ser cap altre manera.

*Source: ¨porto una sorpresa per a tu, i la porto posada¨

¨que ganas¨

2008-10-27T02:01:00.015+01:00

que ganas,

que ganas de haberte conocido en otra vida.

que ganas de coincidir caUsalmente, y que por un accidente de tráfico cósmico el universo nos haya enfrentado.

que ganas de volver a tocar tu mano, rozar tu cara.

que ganas de que hayas rencarnado en ser.

que ganas de tus pocos añitos, y la majestuosa posibilidad de convertir los míos de más en experiencia para ti.

que ganas de la posibilidad, que ganas de la oportunidad.

que ganas de tu espera, tu paciencia y tu entrega.

que ganas de comprenderte, amarte y perpetuar el momento.

que ganas de permanecer en ti.

que ganas de que tu mirada me arrastre a un viaje que rompa las barreras del tiempo y del espacio.

que ganas de encontrar tu mirada entre la gente.

que ganas de tu sabiduría, ¨tu loca manía¨, tu necedad e inexperiencia.

que ganas de que por una noche de amor, pudiera gestarse un sersito maravilloso y precioso. de ti, de mi.

que ganas de un baño invadido de velas, una copa de tinto,

que ganas de comerte en chocolate,

que ganas de poseer, que ganas de TODO,

que ganas de TI.

¨lo que Dios ha unido, que no lo separe el hombre, ni tu, ni yo.

lo que Dios ha unido, que se vea reflejado en 9 meses de espera, dedicación, cuidados y constancia, en una mezcla perfecta de estas dos realidades opuestas¨.

y que explote el bing bang de la creación. de una.

* Source: Filosofía y epistemología de los recursos post-modernos.

¨there's always a moment when yo can decide to resist or give in¨

2008-10-22T08:58:00.013+02:00

this is not about revenge, this is not about the guilty feeling and what comes next. this is about those kind of facts that happens to some of us, that we don’t understand & maybe we never will. some of us spend a big amount of time, looking for ¨justice¨ & we never realize that life is strange, has its own laws & its own time to make people reflect of what they/we have done & how to fix it.

when we look for justice, it seems that never come to us. but somewhere & somehow, one way or another there’s a pay back. rather we like it or not. & this can be anything, not what we r expecting to pay (or expecting them to pay). some people would say that the bad ones’ deserve what they get, but sometimes, life is just more than we can bear.

I still don’t understand this story about ¨good¨ & ¨evil¨, to tell u the truth, I don’t like it, I don’t like to think that what happens to us is just the responsibility of some kind of divine energy that comes from nowhere and suddenly it’s here. for me is easier to think that life is the result of what you decide, life is about decisions, but, still some times –as today- when i hear someone ask me ¨why me¨ without any acceptable reason, I just think that there’s something else out there that maybe is beyond our understanding. i have started to believe in energy, the good thoughts and the goodness & kindness that reproduces its nature. but I’m still a human being who is evolving, and as more I work with this kind of people, less I understand the universal laws.

for those who think there’s no justice, I’d like to share this.

¨I've been sentenced for a D.U.I. offense -Driving Under the Influence-. My 3rd one. When I first came to prison, I had no idea what to expect. Certainly none of this. I'm a tall white male, who unfortunately has a small amount of feminine characteristics. And very shy. These characteristics have got me raped so many times I have no more feelings physically. I have been raped by up to 5 black men and two white men at a time. I've had knifes at my head and throat. I had fought and been beat so hard that I didn't ever think I'd see straight again. One time when I refused to enter a cell, I was brutally attacked by staff and taken to segregation though I had only wanted to prevent the same and worse by not locking up with my cell mate. There is no supervision after lockdown. I was given a conduct report. I explained to the hearing officer what the issue was. He told me that off the record, He suggests I find a man I would/could willingly have sex with to prevent these things from happening. I've requested protective custody only to be denied. It is not available here. He also said there was no where to run to, and it would be best for me to accept things. I probably have AIDS now. I have great difficulty raising food to my mouth from shaking after nightmares or thinking to hard on all this. I've laid down without physical fight to be sodomized. To prevent so much damage in struggles, ripping and tearing. Though in not fighting, it caused my heart and spirit to be raped as well. Something I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for.¨

Letter from A.H. to Human Rights Watch, August 30, 1996.

¨life's like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get¨. i think is better if we try to be & stay safe. it's sad to accept the fact that sometimes we have to live those kind of things to realize what we have been doing. but sometimes, such a thing is not necessary. there's always a moment where we can decide. but some of us, understand & realize this, too late.

*Source. Human Rights Watch.

http://www.hrw.org/reports/2001/prison/report.html#N_1_

*Source. ¨Loneliness¨ by Luis Argüelles.

64,281,600 s'

2008-10-19T05:02:00.015+02:00

como siempre, un poco tarde (bueno, en realidad más de la cuenta). debía encontrarlas. busqué entre la multitud. mi mirada arrasó en un segundo con cientos de ellos y en una atracción inevitable, regresó a la figura que dibujaba tu cuerpo despreocupado recargado en la pared. estuve en ti por instantes que mágicamente hicieron desaparecer el resto, el paso del tiempo y la vida. hasta que accidentalmente advertiste mi presencia y sonreiste apenada -pero apenada estaba yo-.

nos volvimos a topar cuando te esforzabas por discimular el nerviosismo que te estaba provcando que yo advirtiera la dificultad a la que te enfrentabas tras la encomienda de esa tarde.

-es mi primera vez, lo siento- te disculpaste. me fascinó ver tus manos temblar, he de confesarlo. tiemblan pocas veces, esa fue una de ellas.

el inevitable siguiente paso. compartir un bocado, brindar tal vez y platicar. y alli estabas tu frente a mi. te pillé un par de miradas curiosas, inquietas, indiscretas, como si trataras de descifrarme... estabas cautivada -no más que yo- y tu sonrisa apenada sencillamente lo llenó todo.

el calor de la velada y la multitud provocaron que nos toparamos una vez más antes de subir al coche, -'caUsalmente' habiamos escogido el mismo- y fue un destello de energía cósmica lo que llevó a nuestras manos a cruzarse accidentalmente. mis dedos se tensaron entre los tuyos, tus manos frias se congelaron y ese segundo pareció detener la dinámica de la vida una vez más. giramos poco a poco la mirada hasta que nuestros ojos se encontraron. creo que en ese reflejo, permanecieron desde entonces.

el big bang emocional de ese 'algo' tan fuerte, inevitable, imparable, inexplicable además y apasionado como ninguno, cedió. mientras tanto, en el lugar de lo terrenal los demás nos ganaron la partida y se acomodaron dentro. no quedó cabida más que para una, y cuando te sentaste yo me apresuré a 'despreocupar' a los demás -sobretodo- asegurando que me las arreglaría xafandote un poco. me senté en ti y nos convertimos en una.

era inevitable que mi cuerpo asimilara y se mezclara con el calor del tuyo, que el tuyo sintiera lo agitado de mi respiración y que nuestra piel, rosara. lo deseabamos las dos con tal intensidad que el universo conspiró y nos enfrentó... sentí en mi espalda -cuando aproximaste tu rostro- cómo por tu respiración se te escapaba del interior, tu alma. y es que la mía la buscaba y la atraía hacia sí con tal fuerza que ni tu suspiro pudo encerrarla en ti. mis ojos se cerraron por un instante y recobrando la respiración con un argumento accidentado, entablé conversación para intentar retomar autocontrol y discimular mi excitación -en realidad trataba de evitar que tu la notaras- pero fue inútil, era ya tarde, habías vencido mi cordura dominándola por completo, me habías dominado a mi enteramente. nuestras manos se encontraron de nuevo antes de que -seguido de un movimiento provocador e intencional de mi parte-, movieras delicada e insinuantemente tu cadera hacia mi que, encima tuyo, me sentí morir. me atreví. tomé, a escondidas de los demás, tu mano izquierda. el estar en el extremo nos permitía el anonimato necesario para que todo pareciera accidental, sin perder de vista -desde luego- al único testigo capaz de exponer tal sublime escena de amor -el cinturón de seguridad-. en ese instante y poco a poco, sentí temblar por segunda vez tus manos y reconocí nuestro triunfo. nuestras manos se fundieron como un metal precioso, ese que llevas al pecho y ese que me he tatuado yo. respire profundamente, cerré mis ojos y dejé que la brisa que se colaba por la ventanilla abierta del coche me empapara y decorara el momento. sentí como la temperatura de tu piel se incrementó en segundos, arrastró a la mia y nuestros latidos encontraron el ritmo perfecto. nuestras manos a través de la delicadeza del tacto finalmente expresaron lo que nuestra boca calló y lo que por la mirada se nos escapó. sentí en las yemas de mis dedos hervir tu sangre y casi toqué tu corazón. mis dedos dejaron escapar el erotismo que envolvió mi deseo, y al sentir cómo discimuladamente, pero con una intensidad determinante, presionaste tu cuerpo al mio en un vaivén escurridizo y surreal, desfallecí. sublimemente hicimos el amor durante la travesía entera. de vez en vez, giraba mi mirada hacia la tuya y tu tranquilidad volvía mi arrebato a la calma. el todo desapareció, y la gota que resbaló por mis labios cayendo en la yema de tu dedo índice mientras discimuladamente acariciaste mi pecho, me devolvió la cordura y antes de que la fascinación del momento culminara y terminara por delatarnos, llegamos al destino.

estaba predestinado que tu entrega pudiese yo convertirla en un inolvidable orgsmo, y pudiese yo arrebatarlo de tu aliento, mientras al explotar tu cuerpo y fundirte en mi piel, me lo entregaras en un beso.

y así fue, donde estaba escrito que debía ser.

2 die 4

2008-10-15T12:49:00.011+02:00

don't ask me why

¨shh... don't say a word

just, go with the flow¨

*this is just to much.

life's a box of chocolates, u never know what you're gonna get

2008-10-15T08:00:00.006+02:00

¨keep walking,

just keep walking

& never hesitate¨

* source. forrest gump. 1994.

the second that lasts forever

2008-10-13T17:31:00.011+02:00

it isn't what you say... it's what you don't say. my suddenly reflection in the bright of your eyes & the re-born at once, the unstoppable blink, the sigh that must come next & the breath accompanied by. the sob in which one give oneself up, and the space & time between them.

your silence have always spoke more than your words. your silence is the prose of an orgasm & the language of your hands it's its poetry.

it always has been.

etérea

2008-10-11T01:57:00.010+02:00

¿cariño...es que, dime qué más,

si es que a tu lado has hecho que me sobre la piel?

¿qué hay más alla?

asi, como cada noche

2008-10-09T05:21:00.009+02:00

¨...sólo nuestros abrazos encajan a la perfección...¨

sabes?, podría quedarme atrapada entre tus brazos para siempre,

perderme en un sueño profundo al ritmo de tu respiración

y morir en paz.

"...if you knew that love can break your heart, when you're down so low you cannot fall..."

2008-10-08T19:03:00.009+02:00

¿would you change?

¨...this is not anybody's business but ours...."

Alice walker

* Source: "No Retreat", The Guardian (December 15, 2006). Retrieved on 2007-06-14.

* Source: Tracy Chapman's: Change. Album: Where you live 2005.

porque todo esta en la mente

2008-10-08T06:35:00.007+02:00

hay cosas que se convierten en un ¨pain in the ass¨

y jamás las entenderemos,

no las pudimos evitar ni podremos hacer algo al respecto

para qué sufrir?

a veces sólo queda aceptar...

la pregunta es, estamos dispuestos?

*source. allposters.com

porque todo tiene un inicio y no necesariamente habra de tener un final

2008-10-08T05:29:00.008+02:00

recordando un fantástico inicio,

deberá haber una segunda parte: un reencuentro

las historias que comenzaron en esa mesa,

han evolucionado,

y se que hay tanto que contar.

salud! por los momentos!

cuestión de fe

2008-10-07T08:51:00.013+02:00

"...hay noches en las que la esperanza se pone a prueba..."

y no hay prueba en las noches más difícil que tu ausencia

¿me haces un sitio a tu lado?

*source: catherine de souza: ¨in bed¨.

today

2008-10-06T06:06:00.013+02:00

today my life of dreams, hope, love, future plans, honesty, dedication, devotion, had have been started, and as the night had falling, came to an end. this is it, never thought it could be possible, but i guess everything becomes possible since the moment you think it possible.

i'll never forget that, whatsoever.

i've been you once, i know how does it feel. & i couldn't forget it, as i'll never forget this october the 6th, as i'll never forget the deep hurt that lies causes & as i'll never forget you or what we had.

you made me feel alive & you taught me the meaning of being human. i'll always be grateful 2u 4this. although you won't remember me at all.

todo

2008-10-01T03:48:00.007+02:00

T. -...¿te has dado cuenta de que no hay amor en el mundo?-

Y. -si... cierto, no entiendo aún por qué, si el amor es gratis y es lo más malgastado...-

T. -sabes por que?-

Y. -...dime...-

T. -...porque todo me lo he robado yo para dartelo a ti..., todo es tuyo, todo te lo he dado... todo lo tienes tu...-

*oceanario de lisboa. 2007/2008.

the game

2008-09-26T03:00:00.010+02:00

...today, i woke up with this stupid, absurd, ridiculous and so childish thought, actually i couldn't even sleep because of the anxiety that caused to me (at the same moment i was reviewing all the images of my immediate past...):

why doesn't anyone seems to care about what's happening?

everyone seems to have "move on" and going on with their lives...

and i'm the only stupid girl who is stuck in the emotional & mellow "love" world

trying to figure it out what went wrong or what could i still do...

but instead, everybody smiles, celebrate, go on, have fun, everyone but me...

didn't i love you enough?, that, not even for some respect or consideration to our whatever we have had could make you show some interest?

but i was so wrong.

it doesn't means that i need what normal people need as a party, go out, celebrate or some distraction to go on or pretend to go on with my life... & not even in this kind of moments i use to do that kind of things... so i thought that we are simply different, sadly sorrowfully, but in the other hand fortunately, different & i made a self statement:

this is it. that's enough. i renounce to love. i'm no victim whatsoever (in case you misunderstood what you've read).

i'm trying to understand the game, how normal people play, behave & deal with the things are suppose to be important or were important in some part of their lives. i think i will, although it hurts strong enough.

or who knows, maybe they don't care, maybe they don't care at all. & love is in fact only an ilusion.

the third miracle

2008-09-21T21:00:00.007+02:00

S.- ...my life is very strange, i just... i don't do anything normal. i... i can't..-

E.- ...i know... i know you... i know your life...-

S.- what do you want?-

E.- ...i want you...-

S.- ...for how long?-

E.- ...it doesn't matter...-

S.- ...say you love me...-

E. -...i, love you...-

that means forever. true love never ends.

*The Saint. 1997.

asi es mi pasión

2008-09-20T05:42:00.005+02:00

...el amor, se hace sencillamente en un beso...

entre defectos y virtudes

2008-09-19T21:54:00.015+02:00

Y -aquí en corto, ¿cómo puedo saber que es la persona correcta?-

T - has de valorar sus defectos y virtudes...-

Y -¿cómo?-

T -te gustan las fórmulas y esto de la cientificidad no?, científica y cuánticamente comprobado está que una persona ha de tener tres virtudes más que la suma de sus defectos, es decir, 5 defectos y 8 virtudes por poner un ejemplo; de no ser así, date media vuelta porque el fracaso será inminente. la gente no cambia, evoluciona Mónica. generamos acuerdos para emocionalmente lastimarnos menos entre nosotros por el amor que creamos, y gracias al amor evolucionamos y la evolución se alcanza con retroalimentación, compromiso, paciencia, templanza y fortaleza. debes tener en cuenta que cuando espiritualmente no estás al mismo nivel que tu pareja, el estancamiento será también inminente.

Y -wow..., vaya fórmula-

T -ah, y ten cuidado con lo que lanzas al universo, con lo que piensas, tu energía es muy fuerte y no puedes andar por la vida lanzando pensamientos a diestra y siniestra...-

Y -bah, esto le has de decir a todo el mundo- te dije. ...aunque ya me lo habían dicho antes, pensé.

T -mmm, eres una mujer escéptica y te gustan los retos, pero sabes que?, tu niño interno es precioso tu alma no puede engañarme, dónde lo dejaste?-

Y -...lo que me quedaba de inocencia lo dejé en Auschwitz... y mi niño interno ¿dónde lo dejé? ...lo dejé en el último adiós...-

T -...lo rescataremos sin duda... es maravilloso. te sorprenderás y verás que tus virtudes son más que tus defectos pero eres la única que no lo sabe-. escépticamente me levanté del diván, respiré y abandoné la habitación.

de tardes de terapia y respiros profundos.

you are what you love

2008-09-18T00:25:00.008+02:00

here, between us.

Ch. -...it doesn't seem to bother you what people think of you...-

D. -...of course i do...-

Ch. -when we were in college ...i saw you talking to this girl... filtring with her & she was being really sweet to you-

D. -..oh god how i was in love with her...-

Ch. -...and then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you... and it was like they were laughing at me!... you didn't know?! ... you seemed so happy...-

D. -...i knew, i heard them-

Ch. -....well how come you were so happy?

D. -...oh god how i loved her, but it was mine, that love. i owned it. even she didn't have the right to take it away. i can love whoever i want...-

Ch. -...but she thought you were pathetic...-

D. -...that was her business, not mine. you are what you love, not what loves you. that's what i decided long time ago...

*Adaptation. 2002. Streep, Cage.

change

2008-09-18T00:03:00.009+02:00

S. -what i came to understand is that change is not a choice. it happens, and you are different-.

you can lie about it, you can pretend that everything is the same, you can fool anyone or at least think you are fooling them, but still, the change has taken place and you can not fool yourself or avoid it. it just happens...

like when you suddenly realize, you're in love.

*Adaptation 2002. Streep, Cage.

adaptation

2008-09-17T22:09:00.008+02:00

in the mood of orchids.

L. - adaptation's a profound process. It means you figure out how to thrive in the world-.

S. - yeah, but it's easier for plants. I mean... they have no memory. You know they just move on to whatever's next. But a person, you know... adapting's almost shameful. I mean, it's like running away.

* Adaptation. 2002 Streep, Cage.

My ghost orchid

2008-09-17T21:20:00.011+02:00

" Should one be lucky enough to see a ghost orchid... all else will seem eclipsed.."

-If the ghost orchid was really a phantom it was such a bewitching one

that could seduce people to pursue it, year after year...-

The black orchid

“...every one of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it. There's a certain orchid looks exactly like this certain insect. So the insect is drawn to this flower… its double, its soul mate… and wants nothing more than to make love to it.

After the insect flies off, it spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their lovemaking. How could they know that because of their little dance, the world lives?. But it does. By simply doing what they’re designed to do something large and magnificent happens.

In this sense, they show us how to live. How the barometer you have is your heart. How when you spot your flower, you can’t let anything get in your way” .

In the life search for the sense of your existence & the chasing of phantoms, they will appear as this orchid did last night to me. The secret is to look harder & never give up, but the thing is that u won't know if u're prepared to face them -both, the sense & the ghosts-. Great lessons usually come from “simply” things.

* Adaptation, 2002. Streep, Cage.

...La libertad es incompatible con el amor... un amante es siempre un esclavo...

2008-09-13T19:06:00.004+02:00

...Y no somos algunos acaso los que estamos dispuestos a pagar el precio de las cadenas a cambio de experimentar aunque sea por un minuto el desenfreno y el encanto brutal del mismo?... Germaine de Staël de hecho, no es una de los nuestros.

when nothing is left to offer, but the soul with all the heart

2008-09-10T20:57:00.008+02:00

C. -...you wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues: wisdom, justice, fortitude & temperance. as i read the list, i knew i had none of them, but i have other virtues, (...) but none of my virtues were on your list. even then it was as if you didn't want me (...) for you-.

M.A. - (...) you go too far-.

C. -...i searched the faces of the gods for ways to please you, to make you proud. one kind word. one full hugh where you pressed me to your chest & held me tight would have been like the sun on my heart for a thousand years. what is it in me you hate so much?. All I ever wanted was to live up to you (...)-.

M.A. -...your fault (...) is my failure (...)-

C. -...i would butcher the whole world if you would only have loved me...-

* Gladiator. 2000.

2008-09-10T06:35:00.007+02:00

H. -...u know, i want u to be happy. more than anything else i wanted to be the cause of happiness in u, but if i'm not, then i can't stand in the way. do you see?, because what u're feeling now, is the unstoppable force, wich means i've got to move...-

*Imagine me & you 2005.

still

2008-09-09T06:55:00.009+02:00

S. -…I don't know what you do in these situations, what you're supposed to say. It's the first time. But I think I'm in love with you-.

E. -…it's awfully sweet of you. And even though I don't know you, I like you. But... I'm not in love with you-.

S. -I don't care. I'll wait.

E. -For what?

S. -For you to fall in love with me too. Listen carefully. Every night, when I get off work, I'll come and wait beneath your window. Every night. When you change your mind, open your window. That's all. I'll understand...-

* Nuovo Cinema Paradiso. 1988.