en un segundo i en un parpadeo...

todo pasa cuando & donde menos te lo esperas... la vida te cambia en un segundo:

C.-so, how was it, how was your 'date'?-
L.-u know, i've been sitting here all day staring at the window trying to figure out what went on last night...-
C.-u've lost me...-
L.-see, cassey?, the other woman?, frank's blind date?, got completely under my skin-
C.-u mean, in a bad, annoying, irritating kind of way, right?-
L.-no, i mean she's one of the smartiest, funniest, most attractive people i've met in a long time...-
C.-no! no, no, that's not what you mean, i mean, maybe she's smart & funny, but attractive? no! that's not what women are to other women! you are mixing your metaphores here!-
L.-no i'm not, this is as clear as day to me wich is why i'm so confuse, but, i was attracted to her, not bob, i wanted to be on a date with her, not bob-
C.-christ! you were drunk!, i mean you weren't in your right mind, you are not in your right mind!, i mean jesus christ! lauren that would make you gay & you are not gay!!!!-
L.-how do you know?, i mean, i don't know, what if? [...] i've never been attracted to a woman before in my entire life!-

*source: a.girl.thing 2001.

the better way to die

D.- […] What do you think the worst way to die would be? I think getting eaten by a shark would be the worst way to go. Not if it was like one of those surfers where they get hit from behind and they don't even know what happened. You know. Cause it like came up from beneath them. Like on the Jaws poster.

L.-The chick on the Jaws poster was hot.

P.- She was?

L.- I don't know. She was naked. Naked chicks are hot.

D.- But if you actually like saw the fin coming for you in the water. That would be worse than actually getting eaten. Knowing that this animal is coming for you but you can't get away. And that it's going to eat you. Like you're gonna get eaten alive? Have you guys ever seen that footage of the great white jumping out of the water to eat that seal?

L.- That's why I only swim in pools.

P.- I think burning to death would be the worst.

L.- Well yes and no. Because most people die of the smoke inhalation before any fire even hits them.

P.- I remember watching TV for like 3 days straight after 9/11. That footage that they kept showing of all of those people leaping off of the top of the Trade Center? Can you imagine how bad it was inside to know that jumping was a better way out?

L.- But they say that when you jump from that high up your heart stops before you hit the ground and you don't even feel it.

P.- OK, then Lynch. What is the worst way to die?

L.- What?

P.- No, you have an answer for everything. What's your biggest fear? Lynch has been waiting for this.

L.- Easy. The Sarlaac pit.

P.- The what?

L.- The Sarlaac pit. From Return of the Jedi? Hel-lo...being slowly digested over 1,000 years? Worst. Death. Ever.

D.- "I don't know why I never have a girlfriend, you guys!"

*source: FROZEN (2010).

the beauty of mathematics

AS.- "[...] where is the beauty & harmony in cancer? what makes a cell suddenly decide to turn itself into a killer metastasis and destroy the rest of the cells in a healthy body?"

we are comfortable thinking in life as a matter of destiny, logic, than coincidence, just as an 8 comes the nine, but this is beyond the "truth".

*source. the oxford murders, 2008.

"it's hard to believe people when they say 'i know how you feel', but i actually know how you feel"

I.-[...] i understand feeling as small & insignificant as humanly possible, & how it can actually ache in places that you didn't know you had inside you, & it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get or gyms you join or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends, you still go to bed every night going over every detail, & wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell, for that brief moment, you could think that you were that happy, & sometimes you can even convince yourself that "he'll" see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new, & you'll met people who make you feel worthwhile again, & little pieces of your soul will finally come back, & all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade-

M.- well fuck, you need this more than i do (& gives her a glass of vodka).

*source: the holiday, 2007.

a sixth sense or just female instincts?

the facts:

"[...] the time sequence here, would become extremely important.

1. melanie nelson had a digital clock in her room & she glanced at it at 02.45 am [...].

2. it was 03.00 am when nita neary arrived at the chi omega house, on 661 west jefferson st. at the florida state university campus, on saturday night january, 14th, 1978 [...]. when she came to the back door, she found it standing open wich didn't particularly alarm her, she shared the sorority house with other 38 coeds + a housemother. anyway, [...] she stepped in & heard a loud thump. a moment later, she heard running footsteps in the corridor above & suddenly they sounded on the front stairway. for some reason she hided herself & then, she saw 'him': a slender man with a sharp nose, wearing a dark jacket & a watch cap [...]. one second, two, three, the door was open and the man was gone. -we've been burglarized-, she thought, -or maybe one of the girls had the nerve to sneak somebody upstairs-.

3. [...] she ran up the stairs & woke her roomate: -there's someone in the house, i just saw a man leave!-. [...] nothing seemed to be missing or wrong but they decided to go upstairs.

4. still discussing about calling the police, karen, another housemate, begin to run down the hall staggering holding her head in both hands, covered in blood. she seemed to be delirious.

5. nita ran to wake the housemother & went back to the room karen shared with kathy, who was sat on her bed, holding her head in her hands, moaning unintelligibly & blood gushed from her head too.

6. nancy, nita's roomate dialed 911.

7. brannon + newkirk, two police officers arrived at 03.23/03.26 am & didn't have any idea what layed ahead of them.

8. both girls (karen + kathy) seemed to be terribly injured. kathy was conscious, but she had lacerations & puncture wounds on her face, a broken jaw in three places, a whipslash injury to her neck + deep lacerations on her shoulder. karen had a concussion, a broken jaw, broken teeth, facial bone fractures & cuts + one finger crushed. they did not remember anyting because they were both sleeping when the man had hammered blows on their heads. the room looked like an abatoir.

9. as the officers went inside to check the house, officer ray crew (who joined the police officers minutes later) went into the room #4 & found a girl lying on her bed, the covers pulled up over her shoulders. she had been strangled (a ligature mark on her throat); had a bruise on her forehead + scratches on her face. her right collarbone had been broken by a tremendous blow. her right nipple was attached by only a thread of tissue + a double bite mark on her left buttock had been found. she had been sexually assaulted: an unyielding object had been jammed into her body, tearing & bruising the rectal orifice & the vaginal vault, causing hemorrhage in the lining of the womb & other internal organs. the weapon used, was a 'clairol' hair mist bottle with a nozzle-top, it was stained with blood, fecal matter & hair. her name was lisa, lisa levy.

10. opposite on the hall, newkirk stepped into the room that one of the coeds that feared her roomate could be injured too, had shown him & he felt as if he were walking through a nightmare when he got into the room. margaret, layed on her face & the covers pulled up around her neck. as he walked closer, he realized he could actually see into her brain, her skull had been shattered. the blows made on the right side of the girl's head had caused depressed fractures, & indeed, there was more damage to the left side of the brain (later on, they will find out that the killer was lefthanded) than in the right. the force dealt to this girl's head was so tremendous that her brain had been slammed against the left side of the skull when she was struck. a pantyhose ligature was cut from the girl's neck, buried so deep that it could hardly be seen in the flesh, killing her by strangulation. one leg had been cut off by the killer & unlike lisa, she bore no evidence of a sexual assault.

11. rage, hate, animalistic mutilation & what was the worst, how was it possible that a killer could enter the sorority house's sleeping area of 39 coeds so easily, without anyone heard a thing, & do all those atrocities with such rapidity as to be unimaginable? [...]."

a sixth sense or just female instincts?

24 years later, a coed from that same sorority remembering the night the murders took place, spoke.

the cuestion was: "how could anyone have done so much damage, so quietly in such a short time, with all those thirty-nine girls, & a housemother?."

"[...] 'he had already scouted it out, that afternoon i think. for some reason, we were all gone saturday afternoon. when we came home, the housemother's cat was acting spooked, & its hair was standing on end. it ran through our legs & out the door, & it didn't come back for two weeks'. she said some of the girls had felt the presence of a kind of evil that night. [...] 'at least two of the girls who were upstairs in the sleeping area had experienced stark terror, a free-floating dread with nothing to pin it to. kim had sore throath, & she went to bed early. she woke up sometime during the night to go down to the bathroom to get a drink of water [...], but she said she suddenly felt such unreasoning terror, as if something awful was waiting for her, so she backed into her room & locked the door. didn't come out until the police banged on the door later'.

'it must have been a little bit after that, tina started down the back stairs to the kitchen to get a snack, but it was the same kind of thing: she couldn't seem to make her feet go down those stairs, she started to shake & ran into her room too. she'd felt something or someone waiting down below'".

it is a fact that all the women who survived this serial killer, felt, among so many more things that "something about him was wrong"; "i will never forget those eyes that stare as long as i live"; "there was something in his eyes, something evil"; "my insides were shaken, there was something about him that terrified me". following their instincts, those girls screamed, fought, ran & did things that saved their lives.

the lesson here is: follow your instincts & never hesitate about it. it could save your life.

*source: ann rule's (2009) "the stranger beside me"; keppel + birnes (2005) "the riverman: ted bundy and i hunt for the green river killer".

also, my feelings

"there is nothing wrong with my life that reincarnation couldn't improve upon"
ted bundy (1980).

"he was a shadow man, fighting to survive in a world that was never made for him"
ann rule (1980).

*source. ann rule's "the stranger beside me" 2001/2009. 5th edition. signet books. USA.

porque lejos de ti es demasiado

escucho un comentario de todos mis amigos.que me hallan diferente, que estoy tan destruido.que apenas soy la sombra, soy un desconocido.que a veces ni respondo, que ya no soy el mismo.i todos siempre piensan saber más de la cuenta.lo sienten, lo conversan y de ello se alimentan.mientras que la sangre aquí en mi corazón, va subiendo arriba la temperatura.mientras mi locura va con tu cordura.mientras yo te extrañe, yo te sienta, yo te ame.

io intento pero nunca salgo del abismo.(Y todo queda en nada).mis gritos hacen eco al fondo de la nada.(Mientras mi cuerpo).mientras mi cuerpo se resiste a caer.io no te olvido mujer.

quizá yo le pido al amor demasiado.quizá por exceso y demás he pecado.quizá por costumbre, tal vez por temores.no sé porque si, no sé si hay razones.quizá por demencia, piedad o clemencia.quizá por amarte, por necesitarte.quizá porque lejos de ti es demasiado.quizá porque todas mis necesidades las tengo de ti mientras yo te ame.

io intento, pero nunca salgo del abismo.(Y todo queda en nada).mis gritos hacen eco al fondo del nada.(Mientras mi cuerpo).mientras mi cuerpo se resiste a caer.io no te olvido mujer.i io aquí muriendo i tu como si nada.pero la razón me vuelve a controlar.i dentro de mi es el dolor que habla.que conversa a solas con mi soledad.vienes, te apareces i te veo.i es que aquí no pasa el tiempo, (pasa el tiempo).

*source. ricky martin. i todo queda en nada (2004).

por que?

"[...] es muy facil perderse en el dolor. el dolor llega, te seduce, juega contigo, lo haces tuyo al punto que te acostumbras a el i empiezas a creer que asi es la vida. cuando sientes ese peso en el corazon, la mayoria de las veces los parametros del dolor o del alivio se distorsionan por completo, i es muy facil quedarte clavado en lo que estas acostumbrado, el dolor. perdemos la memoria i nos olvidamos de los momentos serenos donde todo es liviano i la gravedad una aliada. esta bien sentirse herido, es algo humano. hay que sentir, pero no puedes aferrarte a la tristeza, el desconsuelo o la amargura pq acabaran contigo [...]"

*source. ricky martin: yo (2010).